The sun, big, orangey, fiery ball in the sky, has been ordered to leave the UK amid the coalition governments latest round of spending cuts.
Residents of the United Kingdom noticed the weather becoming a little chilly last week, but reports today confirm that the sun has been banished, in a bid to save money
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The Labour government is thought to have spent over six billion pounds on the sun, over the last year of their leadership alone, but the new coalition government have shunned plans to expand our summers to periods of over eight weeks.
MP Charles Kendrid-Kendrid (Conservative) OBE told us "British summers have traditionally been two weeks of pleasant sunshine. Enough time to dust off your barbeque and rain again for the August bank holiday. Labour invested billions of tax payers money to ensure the sun would stick around for up to eight weeks in the summer of 2009."
"These cuts need to be made to recoup some of this wasted spending," he continued, "the sun will be brought back on August 2nd 2011, for a period of a week and two days. This way people who aren't on benefits, and therefore can't get away on holiday, will still be able to enjoy a spot of summer."
"If people want more, they are free to go abroad," he continued, "I hear Spain are planning to increase their summer by six weeks next year, in a bid to capitalise on their expanding tourism budget."
The cold snap is set to get worse, as snow is forecast in northern England this week. We asked the dishonourable gentleman if he thought that people missing work, due to deep snow, was fair, when they could easily afford to have the sun out for a bit longer?
"It's not a matter of fair, the country is in debt. We need to solve this problem. If the spending continued at the rate that Labour was throwing it away, we'd be in something seriously deeper than snow!" he replied.
We assume he meant shit.
