I've lost the plot on what's on offer but feel I can beat the hard luck stories
Following my marriage break up I was low and dated a girl from work on the rebound....she was described by some as a geeza bird..I suppose her being a west ham season ticket holder should have been a big alarm bell
Now unbeknown to me she was a violent schitzophrenic and I didn't really get the idea until I had been moved in for a few months..anyway
Her birthday came on a home match so before she went I had a dozen red roses with red and claret ribbons delivered to her ..she smiled..I checked teletxt halfway through the day and thought..yup the hammers won..she'll be in a good mood..so no violence..result
Before she came home I put red rose petals from the front door to the dinning room where I had cooked dinner..then up the stairs to the bedroom..onto the bed and into the bathroom were candles and a hot scented bath awaited
she came home..opened the door and upon seeing the rose petals said..whats this effin mess on my effin floor you c**t..I thought..not bad as no fists had been thrown..then we sat down to dinner..apparently I had cooked to effin much and I was a useless c**t..in her terms I was sure at the time it meant she liked me
Then as the night calmed but she didn't, she stormed off to bed now saying the water was effing cold
the moral of the story..never date a bird who has a west ham season ticket
why is this bike related?..she once said in a tea room infront of 8 of the blokes who worked for me and myself..she could take them all on in bed and spit em out
and there in lies the bike link
p.s. i don't want the bar ends..just wanted the title