grantoury
Kona Fan
Absolutely. Hiking I also greatly enjoy.
I envy you, nobby the sheep, my poetry was rubbish, although helpful for a certain period
It’s ok not to be ok
- Thread starter nobby the sheep
- Start date
I envy you, nobby the sheep, my poetry was rubbish, although helpful for a certain period
nobby the sheep
Retrobike Rider
Wether you feel it’s rubbish or not if it release’s any cloudiness in your soul it’s a step forward
grantoury
Kona Fan
You're right, nobby.
Since 2016 I write a diary. This is an enormous help. I guess prose suits me more than poetry.
Another thing, besides cycling or writing, is music. Listening to and practicing it. It can heal you and apparently it can also make the brain develop new connections.
A book that I like is meditations by Marcus Aurelius. A roman emperor regarded as a stoic philosopher. There is a beautiful phrase where he explains that there will be evil in the world, and that it would be unreasonable to expect ourselves to be spared while others are hurt.
To me, it became the core of my view on mental illness. As it brings you to extremes you wish you never knew, you feel yourself drifting away and becoming out of touch with everyone else. After reading meditations I could feel myself making contact with people again. Not only are there others that have to deal with hardships, none of us are guaranteed to be free of it. The challenge became a part of life. Still hard but not a dead end anymore.
So I guess that even when others don't think it is ok to not be ok, we ourselves don't have to feel that way.
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nobby the sheep
Retrobike Rider
Everyone ok today?
Thought I would add to this thread
I've suffered from severe anxiety and OCD most of my life, and it's tainted a lot of things that used to make me happy. Very basic things can be a chore to me, to the point where I often feel like not doing feck all.
When I was a child I obsessed about death and found that the idea of a great vast nothingness up there was scary, with age I came to appreciate the beauty in it. But the leftovers of that fear resulted in adult health anxiety, which causes me to overly obsess about my health from time to time. It'd keep me up at night, making me reluctant to try and sleep. This fear also manifested in different ways, it made me incredibly scared of not being around people I cared about, for fear that it'd be the last time I saw them. The term would be adult separation anxiety, and it doesn't differ greatly from what some have in childhood, just made 10 times worse by the fact that you're supposedly a rationally thinking adult. And the all important figure in my life now is of course my better half, so that burden is on her now.
Alongside that mouthful, my OCD has stopped me from doing things for sometimes years. I've refused to start projects because my thoughts would taint it, latching on to the worst and most horrendous things, stuff I'd never want to think about, and I'd spend my time neurotically indulging in rituals to neutralise the mess in my head. This of course sparks a vicious cycle, which has lasted over a decade now, and will continue most likely for the rest of my life. It makes me doubt most things I do, even stuff I enjoy. To explain it simply, imagine having bought something or created something, being proud of happy of it, only to associate with the most depraved concepts your brain can come up with, and not being able to quite wash away that feeling that they somehow connect, even though you know rationally that it's a bunch of shite.
Its tough. Never easy going.
But it's taught me something which is that not only is it perfectly fine to not be okay, it's also perfectly fine to take all the time in the world to feel okay again. I often feel as if I've been thrown overboard and the waves just keep coming, but I always remember, if I struggle and panic - I drown. Sometimes life is about treading waters and taking it as it comes. Not your fault things get rough, you're just human.
Time for another beer I reckon
I've suffered from severe anxiety and OCD most of my life, and it's tainted a lot of things that used to make me happy. Very basic things can be a chore to me, to the point where I often feel like not doing feck all.
When I was a child I obsessed about death and found that the idea of a great vast nothingness up there was scary, with age I came to appreciate the beauty in it. But the leftovers of that fear resulted in adult health anxiety, which causes me to overly obsess about my health from time to time. It'd keep me up at night, making me reluctant to try and sleep. This fear also manifested in different ways, it made me incredibly scared of not being around people I cared about, for fear that it'd be the last time I saw them. The term would be adult separation anxiety, and it doesn't differ greatly from what some have in childhood, just made 10 times worse by the fact that you're supposedly a rationally thinking adult. And the all important figure in my life now is of course my better half, so that burden is on her now.
Alongside that mouthful, my OCD has stopped me from doing things for sometimes years. I've refused to start projects because my thoughts would taint it, latching on to the worst and most horrendous things, stuff I'd never want to think about, and I'd spend my time neurotically indulging in rituals to neutralise the mess in my head. This of course sparks a vicious cycle, which has lasted over a decade now, and will continue most likely for the rest of my life. It makes me doubt most things I do, even stuff I enjoy. To explain it simply, imagine having bought something or created something, being proud of happy of it, only to associate with the most depraved concepts your brain can come up with, and not being able to quite wash away that feeling that they somehow connect, even though you know rationally that it's a bunch of shite.
Its tough. Never easy going.
But it's taught me something which is that not only is it perfectly fine to not be okay, it's also perfectly fine to take all the time in the world to feel okay again. I often feel as if I've been thrown overboard and the waves just keep coming, but I always remember, if I struggle and panic - I drown. Sometimes life is about treading waters and taking it as it comes. Not your fault things get rough, you're just human.
Time for another beer I reckon
So helpful, not that I've suffered from anxiety but my son does and several clients do.
For me it's depression.... resulting from failed career choices and a dead marriage due to illness....
Cycling and running is my happy place, lets me get away from it all......
Well, that's the beauty of sharing. Mental health is far more approachable now because people are becoming increasingly aware that it's okay to say "I'm not feeling well". I've spent a lot of time helping particularly OCD sufferers overcome that particular fear, of sharing and making people aware of their struggles. There's a lot of shame attached to mental health, and hundreds of years (if not thousand) of oppression of mentally struggling people hasn't helped. In our highly workerist societies, mentally ill people struggle immensely - still. Because that archaic view of "if I'm not at deaths door surely I should be out there doing stuff, being productive" mentality still prevails.
It's always been absurd to me that we as supposedly highly intelligent, conceptually and symbolically thinking hairless apes, can't comprehend the concept that maybe sometimes the mind, just like any other organ, just isn't doing its thing well enough. And unlike other organs, our brains even have to deal with environmental conditioning. There are so many things we have to deal with in life, and in modern societies the constant social pressure and pace wears a human being down faster than ever before in human history.
Take your time, and lavish in the good days, even if it was the smallest win in the eyes of others. All the best to your son and yourself mate, and I'm happy you find solace in getting out there running or cycling. For years I'd take 4 to 6 hour walks through the night, particularly in winter, taking in those starlit nights. Loved that, with a good tune accompanying.
Interesting that, my son, sister in law and couple of other clients are highly intelligent, analytical minds are gripped by anxiety???
I'm the opposite having probably tried to achieve what I wasn't capable of, hence the depression...
grantoury
Kona Fan
Very clear and interesting, relatable stuff, Imlach. SOmewhat surprising to hear this as well, a sharp contrast with your usual effervescence on RB. Another aspect I think that makes life hard for us, usually problems remain hidden behind a "normal" appearance. I have found this anyway. I agree with you, taking your time is important as these things can entangle your mind.
It is absurd that intelligent beings fall short when it comes to understanding mental issues. When you read the history of dealing with this it becomes a wild and exorbitant failing, where people were mass-interred and at the mercy of large scale medical cruelty.
I have heard from others, dealing with loss or grave illness, that it is hard to find comprehension with their closest family and friends. It maybe a more common thing.
As we drifted far from RB stuff a picture of a bike I would like to own:
It is absurd that intelligent beings fall short when it comes to understanding mental issues. When you read the history of dealing with this it becomes a wild and exorbitant failing, where people were mass-interred and at the mercy of large scale medical cruelty.
I have heard from others, dealing with loss or grave illness, that it is hard to find comprehension with their closest family and friends. It maybe a more common thing.
As we drifted far from RB stuff a picture of a bike I would like to own:
905
Dirt Disciple
I have OCD as well. Washed my hands bloody as a child. Vicious loops in the brain force feeding me strange and horrifying thoughts. It's under control now, but like being an alcoholic, you've always got it. Even posting about it makes me nervous, so I salute you.
Panic attacks too (fortunately not that often these days). You feel it coming on like those demons in Ghost dragging your soul to hell. It's probably hard for people who haven't been through it to understand just how terrifying it can be.
Thank god for my wife,
and Chompsky,
and cycling
and every beautiful thing in the world.
And thanks OP for starting the thread.
Panic attacks too (fortunately not that often these days). You feel it coming on like those demons in Ghost dragging your soul to hell. It's probably hard for people who haven't been through it to understand just how terrifying it can be.
Thank god for my wife,
and Chompsky,
and cycling
and every beautiful thing in the world.
And thanks OP for starting the thread.
