Depression is just plain nasty

@ade, thank you for sharing your personal journey with depression and the importance of having a confidant for support. Your experience highlights the complexity of mental health and the necessity of being informed about medication side effects.
No problem. My personal experience is not something I broadcast however it is not something I would ever hide either and have no issue talking about. Being net-anonymous obviously helps in that regard.

One thing you do learn (even though it's obvious yet often forgotten) is that depression can affect anyone. 'you have a great wife, great job, nice house and no money problems - what have you got to worry about?' Mentally we can all suffer anxiety about things that in black and white, should be no issue at all. Also, some personalities are more prone to the downward-spiral behaviour despite the cries of 'pull-up!' from friends and family. I am very much an over thinker, my brain is always working, calculating stupid things (the middle letter in a sentence for instance (!)) so tends to be thinking 20 steps ahead and calculating all the angles.

People speak of living in the moment, taking each day as a gift etc etc and yes, this is true. Being able to talk honestly about how you are feeling though, and why is probably the most helpful tool in the box. That, and having people who will actually listen - it sorts out who your friends really are!
 
It has just occurred to me and came as quite a shock, I've only spoken to two people this weekend, the other half and the guy who served me at the post office
 
I use my bikes as an outlet for my unhappiness

My daughter and I do not talk, I was a rubbish dad

My relationship with my dad has broken down and we’ve not talked in near a year

My other half and I don’t talk… we just coexist… it’s desolate

I’m unhappy at work, don’t relate to my workmates

Just spent the last half hour on the floor in the downstairs bathroom having what I guess was a mini-meltdown in the dark…

Have suicidal thoughts on a mostly weekly basis

What is the actual point to me being on this planet
 
I use my bikes as an outlet for my unhappiness

My daughter and I do not talk, I was a rubbish dad

My relationship with my dad has broken down and we’ve not talked in near a year

My other half and I don’t talk… we just coexist… it’s desolate

I’m unhappy at work, don’t relate to my workmates

Just spent the last half hour on the floor in the downstairs bathroom having what I guess was a mini-meltdown in the dark…

Have suicidal thoughts on a mostly weekly basis

What is the actual point to me being on this planet
The point is all these things bother you, if you read what you've written & you see what I see a lot of what's bothering you is because you care about the people around you which clearly makes you one of the few good people left on the planet.
But, you need to get some proper help, you can't do this on your own.
The fact that you accept it & share it is the first step to treating it. Get to your G.P, search support groups in your area there are lots for us guys these days.
Don't suffer in silence, if you can fix your bike you can learn to fix yourself.
 

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