This...

al

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So, I walked in to a pub last week and said to the bar man - 'Can I have lalf a hager and a bint of pitter...?'

Barman looks at me funny like....

'Sorry! I mean a pint of bitter and half a lager! Got me letters mixed up din't ah!!'

Barman reassures me - 'Ah don't worry about it mate, I do that all the time... Just the other morning I woke up to the smell of me wife cooking breakfast. It smelt beautiful. As I was walking down the stairs I meant to shout down - 'ere Sharon, put us some egg and bacon on! But what actually came out was - you've ruined my life you stupid fat cow....
 
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