Ed's Guide to Sartorial Cycling Elegance

[legrandefromage]

Socks rolled into jeans, dashing good looks, I'm already there...

In a Jeremy Clarkson meets Justin Lee Collins kind of a way... ;-)

Mr K

 

[LeeDevelopment]

That's rather disturbing LGF!

 

[LeeDevelopment]

Am I the only one who doesn't care and just wear what I can find at the time? Guess that could be the 'Grunge' version?!

 

[andrewl]

Step 3) Cycling jersey. This will be short zip road style with three pockets to the rear. There are plenty of designs to choose from and you won't go wrong with 80s road (TonTon Tapis is a favourite of The Guvnor and who am I to demur?) or anything from the golden age of mountainbiking. On no account are flappy, 'freeride' tops acceptable, particularly if 15 refers to the number of miles you ride a week rather than your age.

I think you need to add that under no circumstancs shall a jersey be worn which clashes with the frame manufacture of the bike being ridden. ie wearing a Fat jersey while riding the Klein is totally unacceptable. One should go to the extra effort to ensure that the team jersey is from the same era (+/- 2 years) as the frame, excluding major logo changes ie on Konas.

Similarly attention to detail when selecting cycling wear is important to ensure that crisp tan lines are maintained. Tan lines shall only be revealed while lounging around the pool after a long ride or while dressed in a white towel whilst receiving a post ride massage.

 

[ededwards]

My word, where to start with all the queries?

But Ed, with the exception of the shorts you've given us no direction on the colour of clothing. Now i'm a fan of fluoro cycling tops but many find them vulgar and my wife thinks mine once belonged to gay wrestler who sold out to corporate sponsorship. Can fluro be the way forward?

Fluro is simultaneously the way forward and back. However it must be selected carefully and with malice of forethought. Generic fluro = very poor. Trade team fluro = yes please. If in doubt post up, modelled by you of course, and let the public decide.

Also, how tight fitting should my roadie style outfit be? See I have some tops and shorts that are a bit too tight, are these still servicable within the retrobike arena? I also have some road style tops just like you describe but they are a little baggy, are these any good or are they to be binned?

Fit should be snug but, unlike shorts, without unsightly bulges. If there are I refer you back to riding more. Too large, flapping jerseys are unacceptable and need to be exchanged for the correct size.

I'm told my Raleigh shorts are becoming rather see through. Personally i'm fine with this but the last time I wore them Gil_m was fixated by their see through qualities, he's a big fella so i'd rather not awaken his homoerotic side. What can I do?

This is why white shorts are not a good idea with flash photography (or so my female work colleagues tell me). If you still like your shorts do not be afraid to wear them, just perhaps not around Big G.

Finally Ed, I'd just like to follow on our conversion from yesterday. Now you rode the first session of the ride with a clear 'Body Geometry' grip in your shorts that you later donated to me as 'karma'. Being your the only person i've ever met who rides with used grips in his pants I thought I'd ask why this is and can I learn from your methods?

Dear boy, I may well find myself expelled from the Magic Circle but it was simple misdirection and sleight of hand. The Body Geometry grip was not actually in my shorts but by warming it under my armpit and producing with a flourish it appeared that it was. For more detail watch 'Swordfish'.

However this does remind me of road cycling with a friend when in my teens (this is a real friend rather than the 'a friend' I often mention). We headed out in October wearing only thin jerseys plus shorts. It was a trifle brisk but when the sleet started it got really cold. We stopped for a hot drink and, once finished he placed the warm polystyrene cup over his John Tomac as an impromptu windstopper. He then proceed to ride like that for the next couple of hours although he did get some odd looks when we stopped for food and he neglected to remove said item. Must have worked though as he has two children and I, cup less, have none.

This is about dressing like a gentleman cyclist. Think Havers and act in the spirit.

So I am to ride in my tweed jacket, Vyella shirt, chinos and my nice brown brogues???

No, no, no. Do not dress like Havers, just think how he would dress in similar circumstances.

Am I the only one who doesn't care and just wear what I can find at the time? Guess that could be the 'Grunge' version?!

This guide was written with you in mind as saying you don't care is just code for "I deeply care but really don't know what to do so I adopt a faux pose of disinterest rather than risk getting it wrong". Do not be scared my friend, help is at hand.


Finally, the original post should be read in conjunction with Mr K's Guide to Urban Bike Polo and Pre and Post Ride Skincare: a metrosexual moisturising primer

 

[sinnett177]

Thanks for clearing those points up Ed, i'm now reassured that those Body Geometry grips had not been warming your manhood, and it was no more that a slight of the hand in the magic circle that produced them. Might pass these onto another lucky Retrobiker for further karma.

 

[Agency_Scum]

I use...

Internet Trousers!

 

[TheGreenRabbit]

I know I get it right when i get the comment 'You're not going out dressed like that are you ?' as i walk out the door. If I have a particuarly fetching ensemble, the comment will be raised to the 'if you get knocked off looking like that, dont tell them where you live'

 

[sunchaser]

Cycle clothing should only ever be black & a roadie fit

Hmmm, haven't I just bought a LOUD jersey from you, Ed?

 

[ededwards]

Cycle clothing should only ever be black & a roadie fit

Hmmm, haven't I just bought a LOUD jersey from you, Ed?

You have but it's only shorts that have to be black (and even then only predominantly), shirts can be much more colourful e.g. Sidi-Malvor, 7-Eleven, Molteni, La Vie Claire etc.