Those ebay / gumtree bike sales phrases explained

[legrandefromage]

When it comes to buying old bicycles its a minefield and a yawning gap betwixt descriptions and reaity.

Some of those well known ebay phrases explained

Feel free to add your own

• 'top of the range' - Tourney or 100GS, 200GS at best
  
  'NOS' - It may have been new once but after 20 years of being kicked around a dirty garage
  
  'Nearly 'NOS'! - I've commuted the tits off it but was well surprised that it came up so clean after a bit of Autosol
  
  'the crack doesnt affect its use' - I've commuted the tits off it now I dont trust it but some poor stupid sod might buy it
  
  'spares/ repairs' - its f***ed
  
  'needs a front wheel' - I nicked it from the train station
  
  'only fitted to frame for show' - I commuted the tits off it but was well surprised that it came up so clean after a bit of Autosol
  
  'bearings are a bit rough' - its f***ed
  
  'needs a service' - its f***ed
  
  'can I have dibs till nest week?' - forget it, I've f***ed off and bought it cheaper on line

 

[jimo746]

Re:

"Retro heaven" - old tat that won't sell so I've added a natty phrase to the advert.

"Rare!" - unpopular then, still unpopular now.

"Limited Edition" - one of only 9,000,000 sold worldwide.

"nice patina" - scratched, rusty, and f***ed.

"ideal retro project" - rusty, scratched, and f***ed.

"would suit garage queen" - "too f****ed to actually use in real life.

"plenty of miles left... " - will self destruct imminently.

 

[Peachy!]

“excellent useable condition”

the tyres inflate

 

[xxnick1975]

Kult = I’m a bit of a k*nt

 

[66 triumph daytona]

Re:

"Sort"after-Im a bit of a sort.

 

[mk one]

"sad to see this go" - pleeeease, someone buy this
"stored for 20yrs in garage" - just found under a whole pile of other crap
"includes bb, still spins smooth" - its stuck, but its smooth so you hopefully wont check
"not sure of model" - took model stickers off cos you wouldnt buy it if you knew
"sought after model"- i fell for it so hopefully you will too

 

[dyna-ti]

Pick up only/meet junction 74 = It's stolen.

 

[Peachy!]

Collection only = I really cant be arsed

 

[legrandefromage]

'LEroica ready' - its an old carbolite Peugeot

'vintage' - its from 2002

 

[mynchiboy]

Re:

Some London Gumtree specials for the stolen stuff:

'Selling due to buying moped'
'Would swap for i-phone'
'Front/Back wheel missing'