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i can't say i knew this chap, but either way this is very unfortunate.
rip
rip
Sad news...passing of a fellow retro Anorak
- Thread starter Ernie
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sylus
Old School Grand Master
I rarely post anymore for life reasons but this thread touched me a bit deeply so felt it necessary to chime in and hopefully not only show my condolences but also explain why some feel so deeply.
In some ways when you are in that situation your mind becomes like a washing machine, spinning faster and faster with all the thoughts in your head but spinning so fast your unable to hold onto them and say hey..calm down..lets sort this out. If you can't do this then often it feels like the washing machine is on super fast spin, so fast you can't even tell what is in there but you know you can't control it.
When your in that place, the daily battle..and it does become that..to justify your existance becomes ever more uphill and in many ways you feel like a race horse with a broken leg..knowing you feel like you should be put down but carrying on racing despite the pain because you don't want to let others down around you
Myself I have had two voluntary admissions into syke units. One was following being a victim of domestic abuse and the second 4 years later when I was still unable to deal with the consequences and additional life stresses seemed to gang up on me to give me a good kick in
why is it so hard then to talk? most of us are on the tail end of the generation where men should be men and do not talk about such things. An age if you will, where we bottle up more than we should and then think about it over and over again to a destructive level.
In my case I am 6ft 3 18 stone and look like a night club bouncer, the sheer levels of disbelief that I could be physically abused by a 5ft 2 woman would see me recieve funny looks, comments like smack the bitch and be done with it, man up you faggot etc
Men, in particular between 28-48 due to rubbish stereo types still struggle when things get too much and they feel there is only one way out, because the hardest thing for a man to say is ..help
There is no magic pill that will make you as you were before but there is an opportunity to take from the bad and hopefully put it into perspective. I myself feel at the heart of me is not a bad person and the few friends I have would agree with that
mens support groups ARE becomming more and more avaliable but they are largely poorly advertised by the mental health services but they are out there.
To anyone being in this position that they think everyone would be better off if they left, yes some parts are better but I assure you most are not..they would rather have you around.
After thinking this way for many years and many failed attempts, an ex partners brother succeeded..I won't say how..but as someone who had wanted to do it...watching the world collapse around those who loved him...I assure you it wasn't pleasant and it was a very different ending than one I thought would have happened had I succeeded.
To Space monkeys family and friends should they see this thread there is very little to offer other than many will understand the events that led to this and they will have our utmost understanding and sympathy
to those in here who are in a postion now or have been and teeter on the edge...please trust me when I say..there is help..much much more than there ever used to be..and whilst admitting you need help is hard as a man..help is there..taking the first step to ask for it is the hardest
I have found a way to make every day less of a battle but battle never the less it is and as I amyself am prepared to make things better so sdo the amount of people around me wanting to help too increases so you do fight that battle no longer alone
My apologies for the length of the post it was something that I wanted to get out
In some ways when you are in that situation your mind becomes like a washing machine, spinning faster and faster with all the thoughts in your head but spinning so fast your unable to hold onto them and say hey..calm down..lets sort this out. If you can't do this then often it feels like the washing machine is on super fast spin, so fast you can't even tell what is in there but you know you can't control it.
When your in that place, the daily battle..and it does become that..to justify your existance becomes ever more uphill and in many ways you feel like a race horse with a broken leg..knowing you feel like you should be put down but carrying on racing despite the pain because you don't want to let others down around you
Myself I have had two voluntary admissions into syke units. One was following being a victim of domestic abuse and the second 4 years later when I was still unable to deal with the consequences and additional life stresses seemed to gang up on me to give me a good kick in
why is it so hard then to talk? most of us are on the tail end of the generation where men should be men and do not talk about such things. An age if you will, where we bottle up more than we should and then think about it over and over again to a destructive level.
In my case I am 6ft 3 18 stone and look like a night club bouncer, the sheer levels of disbelief that I could be physically abused by a 5ft 2 woman would see me recieve funny looks, comments like smack the bitch and be done with it, man up you faggot etc
Men, in particular between 28-48 due to rubbish stereo types still struggle when things get too much and they feel there is only one way out, because the hardest thing for a man to say is ..help
There is no magic pill that will make you as you were before but there is an opportunity to take from the bad and hopefully put it into perspective. I myself feel at the heart of me is not a bad person and the few friends I have would agree with that
mens support groups ARE becomming more and more avaliable but they are largely poorly advertised by the mental health services but they are out there.
To anyone being in this position that they think everyone would be better off if they left, yes some parts are better but I assure you most are not..they would rather have you around.
After thinking this way for many years and many failed attempts, an ex partners brother succeeded..I won't say how..but as someone who had wanted to do it...watching the world collapse around those who loved him...I assure you it wasn't pleasant and it was a very different ending than one I thought would have happened had I succeeded.
To Space monkeys family and friends should they see this thread there is very little to offer other than many will understand the events that led to this and they will have our utmost understanding and sympathy
to those in here who are in a postion now or have been and teeter on the edge...please trust me when I say..there is help..much much more than there ever used to be..and whilst admitting you need help is hard as a man..help is there..taking the first step to ask for it is the hardest
I have found a way to make every day less of a battle but battle never the less it is and as I amyself am prepared to make things better so sdo the amount of people around me wanting to help too increases so you do fight that battle no longer alone
My apologies for the length of the post it was something that I wanted to get out
Thanks for being so honest and upfront in regards of a very sensitive subject today i rode out to Darrens house..was "greeted" by a floral tribute :cry: ..very touching..left a card in the letterbox..I did ask in the card if the "next of kin" wanted to make contact with me..please do.
Also i recieved a call from the OIC {officer in the case}..he rang me just to say thanks for leaving my details..and he would get in touch in the future in needed
Ernie
Also i recieved a call from the OIC {officer in the case}..he rang me just to say thanks for leaving my details..and he would get in touch in the future in needed
Ernie
greenstiles
Old School Grand Master
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Would just like to add as people are being so honest. Can relate to some others discriptions of feeling depressed and down, like the washing machine thing......
I suffer from anxiety and have had depressive bouts and a suicidal patch a while back, my 1st and last if I can help it. Feeling depressed and coming out of it now and then is just the norm for me. But feeing suicidal was really f***ing scary.
Any way with my volunteer work I am attending courses in mental health and suicide is/was covered.
Seems it does no harm and will not make matters worse if you ask people quite plainly '' are you feeling suicidal'' '' would you consider taking your life''
I have been told that there is no evidence to say that asking will make them more likely to do it.
In fact it may just be the start point for steering someone towards help or a realization for that person that they need help.
Sadly like myself when I was suicidal I would not tell a soul or my wife and would take myself off and think about throwing myself into a weir or into traffic off a bridge etc.
It truly is a desperate feeling, and it's is amazing how well you can hide it from people. I was deeply embarressed to feel like that. But not any more. Going on these courses has taught me just to be open with it. Hey I suffer from low mood, so many of us do. Were're not lepers and we don't have to kill the conversation with dull thoughts.
I think it's best to just let people know in a very quick and simple phrase so they don't panic and think '' sh%t what do I say to someone who is depressed or low mood or anxious etc.........you don't have to say anything....but some response would be good even it it was '' bummer'' or ''that sucks'' or '' my uncle had that'' or '' i saw a tv prog on that''. But don't blank people, i know it can be uncomfortable but any ackwnolagement is better than stone cold silence.
Please remember too that not all people can be saved and that if they a set on doing it it's not your fault for not noticing the signs, sometimes there aren't any.
I suffer from anxiety and have had depressive bouts and a suicidal patch a while back, my 1st and last if I can help it. Feeling depressed and coming out of it now and then is just the norm for me. But feeing suicidal was really f***ing scary.
Any way with my volunteer work I am attending courses in mental health and suicide is/was covered.
Seems it does no harm and will not make matters worse if you ask people quite plainly '' are you feeling suicidal'' '' would you consider taking your life''
I have been told that there is no evidence to say that asking will make them more likely to do it.
In fact it may just be the start point for steering someone towards help or a realization for that person that they need help.
Sadly like myself when I was suicidal I would not tell a soul or my wife and would take myself off and think about throwing myself into a weir or into traffic off a bridge etc.
It truly is a desperate feeling, and it's is amazing how well you can hide it from people. I was deeply embarressed to feel like that. But not any more. Going on these courses has taught me just to be open with it. Hey I suffer from low mood, so many of us do. Were're not lepers and we don't have to kill the conversation with dull thoughts.
I think it's best to just let people know in a very quick and simple phrase so they don't panic and think '' sh%t what do I say to someone who is depressed or low mood or anxious etc.........you don't have to say anything....but some response would be good even it it was '' bummer'' or ''that sucks'' or '' my uncle had that'' or '' i saw a tv prog on that''. But don't blank people, i know it can be uncomfortable but any ackwnolagement is better than stone cold silence.
Please remember too that not all people can be saved and that if they a set on doing it it's not your fault for not noticing the signs, sometimes there aren't any.
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Well, without sounding glib, there's more of us out there than you might think. Not wanting to give too much away, a nasty childhood, foster homes, etc, took its toll and the only way I got out of it was the Samaritans.
If there is anything out there such as fate, I got a job offer the very next day which in turn eventually paid for the house and I also got back together with my girlfriend.
All the best.
If there is anything out there such as fate, I got a job offer the very next day which in turn eventually paid for the house and I also got back together with my girlfriend.
All the best.
I have also found this a very sad and very very moving thread to read.
I have also been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, against my will at the time but I realised how much I needed that support and have utilised psychiatry as much as I could, I was only released from the care of my psychiatrist in January.
It never occurred to me the difficulties there were for men suffering mental issues such as depression and anxiety or anything else for that matter. But reading what I have a realise that as a woman I am in a much better position, there is no stigma and no need to feel like you have to hide it from your family and friends although I have also found it difficult to talk about.
I feel greatly for the family and friends of Space Monkey and for all the retrobikers who have shared there experiences on this thread and those that have not but would like to.
RIP
Alison
I have also been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, against my will at the time but I realised how much I needed that support and have utilised psychiatry as much as I could, I was only released from the care of my psychiatrist in January.
It never occurred to me the difficulties there were for men suffering mental issues such as depression and anxiety or anything else for that matter. But reading what I have a realise that as a woman I am in a much better position, there is no stigma and no need to feel like you have to hide it from your family and friends although I have also found it difficult to talk about.
I feel greatly for the family and friends of Space Monkey and for all the retrobikers who have shared there experiences on this thread and those that have not but would like to.
RIP
Alison
greenstiles
Old School Grand Master
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Isaac_AG, all the very best with the future 
I really mean that.
I really mean that.Similar threads
