Job descriptions and what they really mean

[KDM]

Unashamedly stolen from another site.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, then you have to try and figure out what they really want and do it.

 

[Alison]

Sent that to hubby, I thought he'd recognise some of those interpretations in regards to his job, he enjoyed it

Alison

 

[pete_mcc]

Having just found a new job I can really understand each of these.

Maybe add:

"Self-starter"
There's no incentive to do this job other than it's this or Jeremy Kyle every morning"

"Exciting period of growth ahead"
We are currently in a shit-pit of a state

"Revolutionary new role"
We've tried everything else with no success, maybe this will work

"Need to hit the ground running"
The previous incumbent left abruptly and is currently suing us

"Tech Savvy individual required"
We have no IT support