incorrigible
Senior Retro Guru
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I’m semi-retired now (finally!), and I was doing some computer “house-cleaning”, and I came across this thing I did about 8 years ago. I must’ve had a lot of time on my hands when I did this. I had found an old ad(vert) from 1959 for a Western Flyer bicycle, and I was amused by almost everything about it, so I “upgraded” it. Obviously, the ad panders to the emotions of every young boy out there (at that time) who wanted to get a “big boy” bike and go places like the older kids in the neighborhood. As the ad states, “Boys model only” because, as we all know, it’s too dangerous for the dames, the skirts, the chicks. It’s a boy’s world out there on the streets and this bike is for big boys only! (Legal Disclaimer: I think this ad would be considered politically incorrect, chauvinist, and non-inclusive if it were posted today, and the Western Flyer company would be summarily run out of town on a rail by the Torch and Pitchfork and Hello Kitty crowd).
Yep, all you need is a sturdy luggage carrier and a built-in tail light, and suddenly you’re worthy of belonging to a gang! How exciting! No more getting beat up because no-one had your back, except of course your mom, but sometimes she was busy and wasn’t always there when the “street toughs” showed up on their cool big boy bikes with their “experienced world traveler” ways. What did you know? You had never been past the end of the block, but by golly one day the world will take notice and won’t be pushing you around anymore! And that day has finally arrived for this young warrior!
Just look at the gleam in his eye as he stares down the road in front of him! Life awaits! And won’t he look cool on his new ride? It’s sleek, graceful, dashing, rugged, bold, striking, and sensational, just like the ad says. It’s as if the bike was built to his specific requirements. Yessir, he’s going out to conquer the world - to kick ass and take names! Sure, the cops - the fuzz, i.e., the MAN will try to keep him down, as the MAN always does, but not him! He will ride proudly and confidently, with head held high, secure in the knowledge that he’s got his boys, his troops, his compadres, i.e., his GANG by his side, and when he returns, the young lady that he’s had his eye on will be so impressed that she will hang on to his every word as he tells tales of adventure, triumph, and intrigue! DAMN, he’s cool!
But he has to be back home by 5:30 or his Dad is gonna give him a big boy spanking, and everyone in the neighborhood will hear him bawling. How embarrassing!
Alright, troops! The sun is shining, the day is long, and the road ahead awaits!
Who’s with me? Let’s RIDE!...........
...........what?.......nobody else?...........nobody?..............just me?..................
…………Well, that’s just FINE by me, because I’M goin’ places! OUTTA MY WAY, you bunch of LOSERS! I’m gonna tear up this town and…….um……excuse me…..I…..um…….I just need to skooch by, here……yeah……if you could just…..um, yeah…….I just need a little.....um………..a little room here…….…excuse me……I, uh…..pardon me………excuse me……..um……………….….MOM?!
Yep, all you need is a sturdy luggage carrier and a built-in tail light, and suddenly you’re worthy of belonging to a gang! How exciting! No more getting beat up because no-one had your back, except of course your mom, but sometimes she was busy and wasn’t always there when the “street toughs” showed up on their cool big boy bikes with their “experienced world traveler” ways. What did you know? You had never been past the end of the block, but by golly one day the world will take notice and won’t be pushing you around anymore! And that day has finally arrived for this young warrior!
Just look at the gleam in his eye as he stares down the road in front of him! Life awaits! And won’t he look cool on his new ride? It’s sleek, graceful, dashing, rugged, bold, striking, and sensational, just like the ad says. It’s as if the bike was built to his specific requirements. Yessir, he’s going out to conquer the world - to kick ass and take names! Sure, the cops - the fuzz, i.e., the MAN will try to keep him down, as the MAN always does, but not him! He will ride proudly and confidently, with head held high, secure in the knowledge that he’s got his boys, his troops, his compadres, i.e., his GANG by his side, and when he returns, the young lady that he’s had his eye on will be so impressed that she will hang on to his every word as he tells tales of adventure, triumph, and intrigue! DAMN, he’s cool!
But he has to be back home by 5:30 or his Dad is gonna give him a big boy spanking, and everyone in the neighborhood will hear him bawling. How embarrassing!
Alright, troops! The sun is shining, the day is long, and the road ahead awaits!
Who’s with me? Let’s RIDE!...........
...........what?.......nobody else?...........nobody?..............just me?..................
…………Well, that’s just FINE by me, because I’M goin’ places! OUTTA MY WAY, you bunch of LOSERS! I’m gonna tear up this town and…….um……excuse me…..I…..um…….I just need to skooch by, here……yeah……if you could just…..um, yeah…….I just need a little.....um………..a little room here…….…excuse me……I, uh…..pardon me………excuse me……..um……………….….MOM?!
