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 Post subject: Aging
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 1:26 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2011 6:39 pm
Posts: 1406
Location: wales
I'm come to the stage of life that when I see my parents unaware of their declining years, it's crap and I'm especially close to my dad.


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 Post subject: Re: Aging
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 1:33 am 
r.B.o.T.M. & P.o.T.M. Winner
r.B.o.T.M. & P.o.T.M. Winner
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Joined: Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:56 pm
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Location: Cumbria land of beauty
Been through that phase and I feel for you.
Make the most of the time they have left is all I can say sadly it doesn't get better.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 5:43 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2006 12:33 pm
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Location: The Home Of Mountain Biking, And All Great Things.
One of the unifying themes amongst us. Those that are very fortunate to have their parents along with them as they themselves grow into adulthood reach the point of awareness that is deeply poignant and confusing at the same time.

The greatest gift is to share, and if possible those conversations should include the people in question as well as any others.

I am in the midst of several terminal illnesses right now, and my wife has just been through the death of both her parents.

Perhaps I am fortunate that I encountered all this back as a child, and have learned I will survive, but in truth that makes it not one jot easier.


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 Post subject: Re: Aging
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 7:51 pm 
Gold Trader
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Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:33 pm
Posts: 2326
Location: New Forest
Aye.

My Dad has always been 'young' for his age. in good shape, full head of hair, active etc.

He's 74 this year, and the last few years have been rough on him, prostate cancer, lost his hearing, severe shoulder problems, a real nasty chest infection etc. His best friend died last year, and in the last 4 years, he's lost 2 sisters and a brother. For the first time ever, he's looking frail. not weak, but just that the world took a swipe at him, and knocked him to the floor.

I guess it's inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier :(


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 Post subject: Re: Aging
PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:51 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2011 6:39 pm
Posts: 1406
Location: wales
I'm fortunate to have a incredible partner, who's gently snoring in our double sleeping bag beside me as we " camp" at dads getting his central heating renewed, and she given me more than I'm able to tell her.
Watching her 6yr old son interact with my dad lifts the burden of my own daughter not being able to see him due to her mothers poor behaviour to anyone, I'm currently awaiting the finalisation of the court order I requested to enable my daughter and I full access to each other's lives and sweep away the lies put in place as part of her mums parental alienation disorder.

Ah well, life has been always interesting


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:05 pm 
Gold Trader
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:47 pm
Posts: 1977
Location: Somerset (now Tetbury)
My dad was much older than my mum (like 23 years) so was always an old man to me when I was growing up. He died 10 years ago at the age of 82 and my biggest regret is not asking him more about his life and family (my parents were divorced so I only saw him occasionally and always behaved like it was a chore). Now I'm approaching 40 and feeling the inevitable effects of father time myself, it's made me reflect on who I am and why. So much of it comes from my Dad and I'd give anything to go back and say thanks for the sacrifices he made for his kids (but not so much for the flat feet and knackered hips :D ).
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your Dad, so make the most of every moment and never put off a visit or helping with some innocuous task as it is these things that yield some of the most cherished memories.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:24 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 15, 2015 4:57 pm
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What you might find cathartic and somewhat healing, is to write a letter to your father, saying all the things that you wish you could have told him before he passed, and then have a personal little ritual/sacred fireside spiritual experience whereby you burn that letter into it's constituent light, heat, and ashes ... to release the message and thoughts that you wrote into the infinite beyond ... and hopefully to your dad.


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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:37 pm 
Gold Trader
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:47 pm
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Location: Somerset (now Tetbury)
k-rod wrote:
What you might find cathartic and somewhat healing, is to write a letter to your father, saying all the things that you wish you could have told him before he passed, and then have a personal little ritual/sacred fireside spiritual experience whereby you burn that letter into it's constituent light, heat, and ashes ... to release the message and thoughts that you wrote into the infinite beyond ... and hopefully to your dad.


Thanks that's a nice suggestion. :) I've done this through thought many times when walking the dog where his ashes are scattered and often just when reflecting on our relationship. I'm sure he'd be sure we all loved him, but it's more the practical parts of his life that I took no interest in. The regret is more that I didn't ask about things like his RAF career, (navigator in a lancaster) his architecture and love of the theatre, or even his father and mother (the former awarded the MC in the 1st world war). There's a lot of history I'd love to be able to pass on to the next generation and I'm sure lots of it would provide insight into my own psyche.

Anyway, it's a bit heavy! Time for bed! :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:54 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2013 8:01 pm
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k-rod wrote:
What you might find cathartic and somewhat healing, is to write a letter to your father, saying all the things that you wish you could have told him before he passed, and then have a personal little ritual/sacred fireside spiritual experience whereby you burn that letter into it's constituent light, heat, and ashes ... to release the message and thoughts that you wrote into the infinite beyond ... and hopefully to your dad.



What a lovely idea. I try to spend as much time with my only kid as i can because my father was always working and often too stressed when at home. He passed away at 50 - my age now, so not a day goes by without me thinking of him. I have many of the same heart/health issues he had, so strangely i can feel a connection with how he felt and its not nice.

Apologies for being a soppy old git.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 15, 2015 4:57 pm
Posts: 1703
Sadly, in today's world of fragmented families and over-stimulation/co-optation by multi-media (all our electronic gadgets) ... so many aspects of the subtle knowledge, secrets, memories, and nuggets of immeasurable historical value (many of which actually give life meaning) are lost by the decapitation of communication between the young people of the world, and the elderly.

It is a culturally and spiritually impoverished world, because of it.


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