Whats the point of a landline...

[technodup]

I think it's because some of us have noisy 'on show' jobs

I have literally no idea what one of those is.

I 'screen' my front door as well as my calls!

So do I. I've got a video entry system so I can see who's pressing the buzzer. Good luck Mr TV licence detector guy- I think it's 8 years and counting...

 

[The History Man]

I work with SEBD secondary age angels.

 

[FMJ]

 

[The History Man]

Sorry lost on me.

 

[highlandsflyer]

He he, I get the horn every time the Latter Day Saints turn up at the door!

Mind you, they are a very pretty pair.

 

[FMJ]

Sorry lost on me.

Seriously?

As soon as the telemarketer starts into his spiel, you hold the air horn up to the receiver with the trumpet a few inches from the mic and press the button. You annoy me, I annoy you. Fair cop.

 

[FMJ]

He he, I get the horn every time the Latter Day Saints turn up at the door!

Nah. I tell them (Jehova's Witlesses here) that I'll listen to their speech if they'll let me expouse the philosophies of Nietzsche to them first. The does-not-compute look on their faces followed by the stumbling and stammering is hilarious.

If you start talking to them in all seriousness and throw in a few Satan-is-my-masters quickly in a demonically possessed off tone mid sentence it throws them for a loop, too.

 

[highlandsflyer]

Pretend you stutter.

F..f..f..f...f...f...fff..fff...ffff...fff..ff..fff...fff (for at least two minutes) f*** off! %%^&*^^!!! wwwwelcome to the Ttttttourette'ssss Stutttttterrrrrers' Helppppline.

 

[highlandsflyer]

He he, I get the horn every time the Latter Day Saints turn up at the door!

Nah. I tell them (Jehova's Witlesses here) that I'll listen to their speech if they'll let me expouse the philosophies of Nietzsche to them first. The does-not-compute look on their faces followed by the stumbling and stammering is hilarious.

If you start talking to them in all seriousness and throw in a few Satan-is-my-masters quickly in a demonically possessed off tone mid sentence it throws them for a loop, too.

Invite them in, sit them down with tea and a biscuit, depart briefly and return with your loosely tied bath robe on. Proceed to sit on your barstool and allow the robe to part naturally.

"Now tell me about this God fella!"

 

[alanf]

a customer of mine, a nice old boy was getting regular visit from the local god botherers, they stupidly decided to call while we fitting his stairlift, he muttered something about wishing they would f... off and get hit by a bus in the process
so we asked if we could answer the door for him?
I answered the door and they started their speel, a few seconds later my mate joins me on the door step, topless and with his trousers undone and hanging open showing off his boxers ok lover hurry up and shut the door, the old fellers finally got it up! and its time to....... he never actually finished his sentance, it took a few goes with the jet wash to get the burn marks off the pathway from where they got wheel spin as the ran away
I visit the old boy every few months to service his lift and he tells me that they have never called back since