Tech Wildthing 199x - The silver beast of the North - Mountain cruiser


98+ BoTM Winner
I have a problem.

I drink a lot.

That's not the problem, adequate hydration is vital to staying alive. I like to stay well hydrated, but it comes with side effects.

Every time I have a tipple I go on eBay, Kleinanzeigen, Retrobike for sale sections and a little voice inside my head goes èeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

It's not tinnitus, I've had it checked. I believe it is an ancient part of the human brain being flicked, the same that made hunter gatherers go out gathering and hunting, instead of watching the telly all day. I consider myself like them, a human at its peak, hunting and gathering. My hunting grounds are marketplaces and the gathering the professionals call compulsive hoarding, but I beg to differ.

Recently I had my fill one night and stumbled over a frame branded Tech, what drew me towards it was the colour and simplicity. And the fact that it was Tange Ultimate. Never ridden that tubeset. Not sure I'll gain anything from such a light bike being a 300 pound gorilla ready to pounce at any given moment. But alas I bought it, and the thing that really convinced me to buy it was the chainstay cover saying Cycle Tech Canada something something. I like Canada. Peaceful people, rough land. I like poutine. I like The Irish Rovers, Buddy Wasisname. It was home to my favourite comedic actor Leslie Nielsen. I like beavers and moose. Why isn't it meese plural?

Anyhow, I thought what better way to show appreciation for the only part of North America really worth salvaging than to buy an old bike that is made in Taiwan.

So here it is...

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Looking at the headset cuppies there was a lot of yummy relish, I got my spoon but the better half said 'you don't know where that's been', I listen to her, she's the authority. But in fairness I don't ever know where I've been. Life is a rollercoaster, I got up before 10 the other day.

I got some tissue and a bit of rubbing alcohol to take the edge off, I also poured a bit into the headtube and squeaky squeaked with the tissue until it looked more presentable.

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Now next I cleaned the bearings and shit.. I should have put some new caged bearings but honestly I don't really buy caged bearings in bulk, and giving the old ones a swift lick I concluded they still had that Albertan prairie air in them. Didn't take a picture, just imagine it.

I squished the stuff together and decided to penetrate it with my steerer.

Then I got my stolen stem ready.

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Bars. I don't really go, overpriced for the most part. I occasionally have stumbled into one when there wasn't enough percented water at a family get together.

But these bars aren't overpriced and they don't close at 2 AM, telling you to bugger off as you stand out there, barely able to keep your balance.


Next up was grips and levers. For levers we are using my favourite Chinese takeaway litepro ultimate levers. These are about as skinny as an anorexic daddy long-legs and they have a bit too much play in them, but being a playful soul I indulge them. They tickle.

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And yes I did put some grippies on there as well. I picked the grippies based on Oury Grip Grant's enthusiasm about the rubbery goodies. Supposedly first made as contraceptive, but the one size fits all didn't catch on. But I say if you are sporting a 22ish mm meat flute, be proud. It was the best diameter. Proper retro.

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A bit of disinfectant and they popped right on, no social distancing needed when you liberally disinfect
Are you feeling cranky? Har har har har.

Cranksies came on next, but first I played a bit with my bottom...


I lubricated it as much as I could and starting screwing as wildly and rapidly as humanly possible. It was a breeze. Threads looked a bit crusty but they felt smooth.

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After sorting out the BB I popped on the cranks. Lovely box five square taper bmx cranksies. 20220911_172642.jpg 20220911_172650.jpg
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And then I screamed and I banged on the closet doors, I threw my nearly empty can of beer. What is that chainstay clearance, ew, ahhggg, ugh!

I couldn't believe it.
I collected myself for a minute or approximately 110 minutes.

I would revisit the cranks, but first.. shouldn't we see how it'd look with some wheelies on? And perhaps some pedals?