I dug out my trusty crystal balls last night and after a good hard rubbing i can now reveal what 2011 has in store for Retrobike. Please feel free to add anything i have failed to see, and remember, its just a bit of fun 
January:
Neilll returns after a long absence to reveal that he has been a busy boy and is finally making progress with the Funk build he started in 2007. After 7 months of late nights and early starts he has just about fitted the lower cup of the headset. 'it's going well' he said, ' i should have this finished by around autumn 2056. It's pushing it a little but i think its a realistic deadline'. A nation does not hold its breath.
February:
Due to complaints that the RetroBike National Series Events is not 'Local' enough, Mark Sinnett announces that the series has been hastily re-drawn and all rides will now take place in FluffyChicken's garden. Ben, however, still does not attend as he refuses to wear a helmet. The first event is a success however, with Longun winning all the prizes. There was a shadow over the event though as it is later found that two old grannies were beaten up outside a local cafe.
March:
A quiet month, as the Guvnor for some reason has gone to ground. Marin Man seizes his opportunity and chalks up his 23,000th post.
April:
Charlie Kelly posts up another Gem in the 'RetroBikes you Saw' thread when he spots Elvis riding a Gold Plated Cunningham encrusted with diamonds in Mill Valley. Sithlord meanwhile starts selling 'Bumps' in the classifieds. 'I found a load of them round the back of my LBS fella' says a happy sith...'Postage is costing a fortune though hence the high prices for Bumps'
May:
Ameybrook returns with another stunning re-creation. Not entirely happy with his amazing Yeti C26, Mike returns with a perfect replica of Chris Chance. 'It took ages to get that forehead right and the glasses were tricky too'. He wins BoTM with a landslide margin and has high hopes for taking Bike of the Year.
June:
The snow begins to melt but as Fluffy's garden is too wet, the next round of the National series moves to Bens airing cupboard. The Guvnor also reappears this month. The event is a success with over 60 riders turning up. 'The section around the back of the towels and the decent down the side of the water tank was fantastic' enthused one happy punter. Ben misses the ride again how ever as it was a little too far from the kitchen. Once again, another old dear was brutally attacked outside a local Fish and Chip shop.
July
July sees Marin Man's 150,000th post and his best chum LeGrandFromage finds an old painting down the tip. It turns out to be Edvard Munch's The Scream. He spends the reward on a romantic weekend away with Marin Man and buys several Overbury's Pioneers.
The Big Dirty Weekender takes place inside the second drawer down on the left in Fluffy's kitchen. Gil_M drinks every last drop of real ale within a 60 mile radius but still leads another cracking event. The Guvnor however does not attend as he is 'helping out at the local old folks home that weekend'.
August:
August sees the return of winter. No-one fancies riding this month so the aging pensioners of Britain breath a sigh of relief. Sith starts selling Thermal Bumps in the classifieds and Marin Man racks up his 480,000th post. RetroBike membership hits 50,000 due a lazily written feature in MBUK where Doddy describes retroBiking as 'cool'. the baggy arsed masses who hang on his every word flood the classifieds with 2003 model Rockhoppers.
September:
Hurrah, its the Peaks Meet! This years ride takes place on top of a Lemon Meringue in Bens fridge. P20 wins the King of the Mountains Jersey again and LGF has Flu once again. Heathy and The Guv leave early to pay a visit to 'some old dear in lincoln' on the way home.
Awsum makes it into the Oxford English dictionary, Marin Man hits the Million post mark with a sarcastic smilie'd comment and ameybrook goes into a deep depression as the real Chris Chance turns up on eBay with a Buy it Now of only £5.99.
October:
Trouble brews as MacRetro march into England for the last National Series Event of the year which takes place in Fluffychickens head. The event is cancelled at the last minute due to the head not wearing a helmet and the MacRetro clan go crazy. Leaving a trail of blood and porridge splattered walls they head back north with a booty of low end steel 23" frames whilst cursing the 'Bawbag sassanaches doon south'. 'Thas the las time ar leave the macretro section' said a disgruntled Clockworkgazz.
Meanwhile over in California, OWMTB goes down a storm. Ededwards dresses up as a bear, plies all the VRC members with extra strong english beer and then releases a real bear that he has kept hungry for several weeks.
November:
A second Chris Chance turns up on eBay, this time with a matching Wendle thrown in. It is thought that scant has bought them but he won't tell anyone. Sith finds a large stash of super rare Halloween Bumps which he floods the classifieds with, and Marin Man makes it to 2.2 million posts.
Its a special BoTM this month open only to fake Grellow Fat Chances. The Guv starts strongly but there are ugly accusations of cheating when a silver Zaskar wins. Spamgate re-appears with a vengence when Marin Man starts spamming his own posts and Pete Mcc is arrested after a spate of Raleigh Mustangs have been found bleeding to death around the country. Neills Funk makes further great strides 10 months on as its announced that the top race is now fitted.
December:
A busy month in December. Tom Ritchey, Charlie Cunningham, Gary Fisher and Jeff Lyndsey all turn up on eBay. All the auctions finish early though as a mystery South Wales buyer snaps them all up overnight. Bike of the Year becomes a two way fight between Ameybrooks replica Chris Chance and a Ragley Bluepig- the pig wins by just three votes.
Charlie Kelly spots Jesus riding a breezer Series 1 outside of a bar in downtown Fairfax and manages to get a few pics.
The 2012 RetroBike National Series is announced and all 15 rounds will take place on a street in East Yorkshire and will be sponsored by On One. The spate of granny bashing incidents that marred the 2011 series come to an end when The Guv and Heathy are arrested and sentenced to 3 years with tintin for their crimes. In Johns absence, Marin Man becomes the new Guvnor and starts by deleting everyone elses posts and replacing them with the voices in his own head. Sinergy wheels are made compulsory at all future rides and everyone has to have the same avatar of bagpuss.
Finally, whilst out in his taxi, LGF sees a bright star in the sky. Following it he comes across a council tip, where amongst the Colnago's and Campagnolo he finds a baby in a manger surrounded by all three wise men of the I.V.M.T.B. An angel announces that he will be the King of Men and he will be named Brant of Richards. Unimpressed, LGF finds a few old computor parts and f**ks off home to welcome in 2012.
But that is another story....
Have a very merry Chrismas retrobikers and a bling filled New Year.
January:
Neilll returns after a long absence to reveal that he has been a busy boy and is finally making progress with the Funk build he started in 2007. After 7 months of late nights and early starts he has just about fitted the lower cup of the headset. 'it's going well' he said, ' i should have this finished by around autumn 2056. It's pushing it a little but i think its a realistic deadline'. A nation does not hold its breath.
February:
Due to complaints that the RetroBike National Series Events is not 'Local' enough, Mark Sinnett announces that the series has been hastily re-drawn and all rides will now take place in FluffyChicken's garden. Ben, however, still does not attend as he refuses to wear a helmet. The first event is a success however, with Longun winning all the prizes. There was a shadow over the event though as it is later found that two old grannies were beaten up outside a local cafe.
March:
A quiet month, as the Guvnor for some reason has gone to ground. Marin Man seizes his opportunity and chalks up his 23,000th post.
April:
Charlie Kelly posts up another Gem in the 'RetroBikes you Saw' thread when he spots Elvis riding a Gold Plated Cunningham encrusted with diamonds in Mill Valley. Sithlord meanwhile starts selling 'Bumps' in the classifieds. 'I found a load of them round the back of my LBS fella' says a happy sith...'Postage is costing a fortune though hence the high prices for Bumps'
May:
Ameybrook returns with another stunning re-creation. Not entirely happy with his amazing Yeti C26, Mike returns with a perfect replica of Chris Chance. 'It took ages to get that forehead right and the glasses were tricky too'. He wins BoTM with a landslide margin and has high hopes for taking Bike of the Year.
June:
The snow begins to melt but as Fluffy's garden is too wet, the next round of the National series moves to Bens airing cupboard. The Guvnor also reappears this month. The event is a success with over 60 riders turning up. 'The section around the back of the towels and the decent down the side of the water tank was fantastic' enthused one happy punter. Ben misses the ride again how ever as it was a little too far from the kitchen. Once again, another old dear was brutally attacked outside a local Fish and Chip shop.
July
July sees Marin Man's 150,000th post and his best chum LeGrandFromage finds an old painting down the tip. It turns out to be Edvard Munch's The Scream. He spends the reward on a romantic weekend away with Marin Man and buys several Overbury's Pioneers.
The Big Dirty Weekender takes place inside the second drawer down on the left in Fluffy's kitchen. Gil_M drinks every last drop of real ale within a 60 mile radius but still leads another cracking event. The Guvnor however does not attend as he is 'helping out at the local old folks home that weekend'.
August:
August sees the return of winter. No-one fancies riding this month so the aging pensioners of Britain breath a sigh of relief. Sith starts selling Thermal Bumps in the classifieds and Marin Man racks up his 480,000th post. RetroBike membership hits 50,000 due a lazily written feature in MBUK where Doddy describes retroBiking as 'cool'. the baggy arsed masses who hang on his every word flood the classifieds with 2003 model Rockhoppers.
September:
Hurrah, its the Peaks Meet! This years ride takes place on top of a Lemon Meringue in Bens fridge. P20 wins the King of the Mountains Jersey again and LGF has Flu once again. Heathy and The Guv leave early to pay a visit to 'some old dear in lincoln' on the way home.
Awsum makes it into the Oxford English dictionary, Marin Man hits the Million post mark with a sarcastic smilie'd comment and ameybrook goes into a deep depression as the real Chris Chance turns up on eBay with a Buy it Now of only £5.99.
October:
Trouble brews as MacRetro march into England for the last National Series Event of the year which takes place in Fluffychickens head. The event is cancelled at the last minute due to the head not wearing a helmet and the MacRetro clan go crazy. Leaving a trail of blood and porridge splattered walls they head back north with a booty of low end steel 23" frames whilst cursing the 'Bawbag sassanaches doon south'. 'Thas the las time ar leave the macretro section' said a disgruntled Clockworkgazz.
Meanwhile over in California, OWMTB goes down a storm. Ededwards dresses up as a bear, plies all the VRC members with extra strong english beer and then releases a real bear that he has kept hungry for several weeks.
November:
A second Chris Chance turns up on eBay, this time with a matching Wendle thrown in. It is thought that scant has bought them but he won't tell anyone. Sith finds a large stash of super rare Halloween Bumps which he floods the classifieds with, and Marin Man makes it to 2.2 million posts.
Its a special BoTM this month open only to fake Grellow Fat Chances. The Guv starts strongly but there are ugly accusations of cheating when a silver Zaskar wins. Spamgate re-appears with a vengence when Marin Man starts spamming his own posts and Pete Mcc is arrested after a spate of Raleigh Mustangs have been found bleeding to death around the country. Neills Funk makes further great strides 10 months on as its announced that the top race is now fitted.
December:
A busy month in December. Tom Ritchey, Charlie Cunningham, Gary Fisher and Jeff Lyndsey all turn up on eBay. All the auctions finish early though as a mystery South Wales buyer snaps them all up overnight. Bike of the Year becomes a two way fight between Ameybrooks replica Chris Chance and a Ragley Bluepig- the pig wins by just three votes.
Charlie Kelly spots Jesus riding a breezer Series 1 outside of a bar in downtown Fairfax and manages to get a few pics.
The 2012 RetroBike National Series is announced and all 15 rounds will take place on a street in East Yorkshire and will be sponsored by On One. The spate of granny bashing incidents that marred the 2011 series come to an end when The Guv and Heathy are arrested and sentenced to 3 years with tintin for their crimes. In Johns absence, Marin Man becomes the new Guvnor and starts by deleting everyone elses posts and replacing them with the voices in his own head. Sinergy wheels are made compulsory at all future rides and everyone has to have the same avatar of bagpuss.
Finally, whilst out in his taxi, LGF sees a bright star in the sky. Following it he comes across a council tip, where amongst the Colnago's and Campagnolo he finds a baby in a manger surrounded by all three wise men of the I.V.M.T.B. An angel announces that he will be the King of Men and he will be named Brant of Richards. Unimpressed, LGF finds a few old computor parts and f**ks off home to welcome in 2012.
But that is another story....
Have a very merry Chrismas retrobikers and a bling filled New Year.
