Alison, like the vast majority of people I think that violence against women is unacceptable. I also believe domestic violence is equally intolerable when men are the recipients - physical injury is often the least significant aspect, it's the control, humiliation and progressive devastation to self esteem and sense-of-worth that's the most damaging. But I'm not going make any suggestions as to what you should do, as relationships can be so complex, and 'outsiders' aren't always appreciative of the subtleties and powers involved. I do think you should be absolutely certain with yourself though that such violence is not justifiable.
One thing that's important is the effect that having-been violent has on the man. He's going to do one of the following things -
a) feel indifferent about it - not really care at all or believe that it was 'nothing', maybe even deny to himself that it ever occurred.
b) feel really guilty - and occupy himself consciously or otherwise defying and resenting the guilt, justifying his actions to himself.
c) feel really guilty - and be determined to not let it happen again. To acknowledge that it was unacceptable regardless of context.
The first two can not happen; they really aren't likely to lead to resolution in the long term.
Whatever you decide to do, I think it's pretty vital for your husband to accept responsibility for his behaviour.
Hope you can both find peace.
One thing that's important is the effect that having-been violent has on the man. He's going to do one of the following things -
a) feel indifferent about it - not really care at all or believe that it was 'nothing', maybe even deny to himself that it ever occurred.
b) feel really guilty - and occupy himself consciously or otherwise defying and resenting the guilt, justifying his actions to himself.
c) feel really guilty - and be determined to not let it happen again. To acknowledge that it was unacceptable regardless of context.
The first two can not happen; they really aren't likely to lead to resolution in the long term.
Whatever you decide to do, I think it's pretty vital for your husband to accept responsibility for his behaviour.
Hope you can both find peace.
