Mountain Mayhem 2012 - the Aftermath

I have never seen so much mud. It was in the tent, all over and in the car. My shoes are unrecognisable. My chain is shafted. My forks make a grinding noise when compressed. I fell off twice. My bike weighed more than me. I couldn't even drag it round the course. I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT YEAR!!!!

My lap was a game of two halves. I was third out, and as yet we were unsure exactly how long we would be out for, so i headed down to the start far too early, got cold, and when TGR appeared I was raring to go.

I slid out of the start, over the stream and started to get a feel for the mud tyres I had got the day before (Shame on you Brant for putting up the price :evil: ). Soon enough I was at the bottom of the Kenda Klimb. The chain wouldn't drop into the granny, so I stormed it in the middle ring leaving the others riders behind (Wish I had been timed! ) . What followed was rather surreal. For the next Ten minutes I was riding on my own. The tyres were working a treat and I was flying through the singletrack. I was starting to think I was lost, then I caught up with the riders in front. Then it was down the side of the field on a gravel track which was like riding on ice and, then back up towards the main arena, passing one of the Isla Bike team, thinking I was glad he wasn't passing me

The decent out of the woods, down to the stream was done mostly sideways, but I held it together with the help of my new tyres and shot back along the valley before starting the climb towards the bridge. I knew I was at the halfway point, and Warpedwife2 shouted out I had been out for 50 minutes. Blimey, I was (uncharastically) flying!!

Then it all went wrong

The climb up to the obelisk started well, but my 20 a day lungs, unsuprisingly, decided they weren't having any of it, so I got off and pushed. As I got to the top (or what I though was the top) I got back on and within seconds my new all singing, all dancing tyres turned into mud magnets. I couldn't even lift my bike I tried to drag it out off the way of following riders and fell flat on my arse! The next hour was spent pedaling down the downhill bits, plunging into deep pools of slurry, the de-clarting and carrying a bike that weighed a ton to the top of the next slope. I got passed by the bloke on the kids Bike I was looking forward to the final downhill, but somebody appeared to have nicked it?!

After crossing the road the heckle tent came into view, and it was AWESOME!!! Everyone shouting encouragement/abuse, spurring me on towards the finish.

I was knackered! My legs were fine, but my upper body was aching from all the dragging, digging, and carrying.

Massive thanks to all for a fantastic weekend but special thanks to "Da Managment",Team Four of Ten for the Laid back approach, Spence for the beer, Heathy for the post lap burger, Any123 for allowing us to camp in the shadow of the Intruder (AKA The winne-gay-bo), and to all for making us laugh so much I nearly sh@t myself

Well what an experience, my second lap out at ten at night with misted up glasses was just insane, bad enough seeing through all the low cloud! First lap in the afternoon was cool...overtook a LOT of people on the down hill sections, just a pity I wasn't quicker on the climbs.

Things went downhill later when I Lost it, chucked my bike and the rest of our 3 man team decided to sack it in the early hours

I had to chuckle to myself when I passed the RB stand in the night as it sounded like everyone was 'aving it in there. The rave tunes were pumping out good and proper

well what can i say after poshing it up for the weekend. just got back and the intruder is back at the yard.

did not notice the mud due to not going out in it, but i will say i did not know that the human body could take so much abuse as i watch people trying to get clean and then getting in a tent. Fully enjoyed watching people from the comfort of my central heated interior people fighting with there bikes caked in 4 tonnes of mud.

My butler let me down and did not suggest buying enough beer.

Thanks to whole heap of people for just making it memorable.

heathy for his silliness
claire for thinking that home counties are inner london
james for saving me from blowing up my motor home by giving me oil.
ed for still leaving me confused about docking and intruding
john for donating a spark plug spanner that fit nothing
spence for making calculations with regards to beer which were wrong, single speed beer was nice thanks spence.

just thanks to everyone involved and look forward to next year

thanks andy

I think just about everything has been said already but those laps were just a tad tougher than previous years, mainly due to my choice of fat tyres not leaving enough clearance for the mud and grass that intruded into every possible opening.

Fantastic heckling as ever, which appeared to be appreciated by all but the most serious of mud splattered riders. Turtle power!

Thanks to everyone who was there, and especially the rest of the Flatlanders 4 team.

jonnyboy666":1paaig4h said:

neil__j ?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/7428939296/

Click to expand...

That's me, obviously at one of the less clarty parts of the course as it's rideable.

What a weekend, so many memories and so much pain from all the mud.
What a start to my first Mayhem which i am certain will be the start of many to come.

My upper body is aching from the pushing of a bike about four times the weight as normal :cry: I found the first half of the course up until the bridge fine and pretty free flowing, but after the bridge in particular after the climb up to the monument thing it all went very wrong very quickly. In fact it was going wrong on the climb as i left my cleat in the pedal - totally came out of the shoe so had to continue with one cycling leg, the drive side crank arm came lose as well so that had so much play in it, then the mud.
At one point whilst i was pushing the bike a guy behind informed me that my back wheel wasn't moving, i thought it felt like a dead weight, and sure enough the back wheel was that clogged that i couldn't even pull the dirt/grass/twigs out - in fact the jet wash only cleared the mud and not the grass or twigs it was that badly clogged :shock:

Anyway even after all that it was still a cracking weekend with some brilliant heckling and just a laugh with some great guys.

My bike before and after

^ Is that one of those Fisher 89ers... Looks bloody huge... ;-)

What a weekend! Full guv'nors aftermath report to follow later, still part way through emptying cars and cleaning stuff

Think this sums it up succinctly

Looks like it was quite sunny

Roll Call of Retrobikers who had the nous to attend but not ride...

Keane
Gus
Champ Gav
Edwards
Earl o'Barnet
...