Iwasgoodonce
Old School Grand Master
As a father of twins.
Enjoy it. It really is life's greatest journey.
Enjoy it. It really is life's greatest journey.
About to be a dad (ulp)... any tips?
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raveydavey
Retro Guru
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keep cycling and don't let the kids take over your life!
incorrigible
Senior Retro Guru
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Not really a rant, sorry. More a clarification of my original rant rather than an entirely new rant. I wanted to clarify that, for new dads actively seeking advice, getting advice from the correct demographic (dads) in sufficient amounts (more than just one source) doesn't preclude the need for a rational analysis of said advice.Neil":og31m0ls said:incorrigible":og31m0ls said:Rational sense was implied when I said "make your decision", but not stated explicitly. My bad. My line of thinking is that dad's all over the world have been raising kids since the beginning of humanity, so if advice is what one is seeking, then it's in one's best interest to ask enough dads and see if there is a majority or general consensus, which would tend to indicate that such a consensus is probably fairly rational advice, but in the end, of course, it's the OP's own decision to make.Neil":og31m0ls said:
"Take it with a pinch of salt" (i.e., "consider the source") is also great advice for anyone asking for advice about anything IMHO. Call it dogma, opinion, ulterior motive, agenda, or whatever - everyone that gives advice will be influenced by their own experiences, attitudes, and emotions; and the "pinch of salt" will hopefully enable the one who asks for and receives advice to filter out the potentially bad advice.
In any case, it appears from the popularity of this thread that there's no shortage good advice from well-intentioned dads who have no motive other than to help the OP by giving him the benefit of their experience, and for that, I'm happy.Rant over.
Not really sure it warranted a rant, really?
All I was saying is that many think it's a good idea to canvas opinions, and cherry pick. Thing is, you'll often get conflicting opinions from different people - all very convinced - often with nothing other than dogma support it.
Me? Well I didn't go canvassing opinions, but I listened to what people had to say - many I ignored, some I maybe took it on board, but if I'm honest, I largely just ignored it all - but the actual parenting? I think most sort it out for themselves.
There's some factors where hearing what people can have to say can make sense - good products, bad products. But then, really? Not sure - practically most threads on most subjects will have people contradicting each other.
As to the actual dealing with a baby? Well nothing trumps actual hands-on doing. Learn by doing. And my only true point on that, is don't be put-off, discouraged from being able to do everything, right from the off - even when they're still in hospital.
Neil":1xhv1tk3 said:
If there's any advice you should listen to, it's this ^^^ Neil speaks the truth. (and about the "no dummy" bit as well).
And there's nothing wrong with secondhand buggies, car seats etc - preferably if you know where they've come from. It's no different to keeping your original ones for a second or third child a few years later, is it?
Of course, as our youngest child is now 29 you might decide to ignore all this as the ramblings of an out-of-touch old man but our grandson is now two and our daughter entrusted him to us pretty much from when he was born. Once you've done all that stuff you never forget....
a recent father for the second time, all i can say is, whatever you do with your first, you'll do differently for your second.
you may be a nervous wreck - constantly aware of ALL NOISE EVER MADE when its sleeping.
i couldnt sleep with my first son, for any noise (even a slightly heavy sigh) my eyes would open and my heart rate would raise thinking - OH MY GOD HE'S AWAKE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WORST NIGHT EVER!
i turned into a Hulk at night. zero patients, many a time did me and the mrs have arguments (which were laughed off/apologsied prefusley away through blood shot eyes the next day). but still, the lack of sleep really does f**k you up more than you will notice!
you'll get through it though.
lots of good advice on here. second hand baby sales (cant remember what they are called) and car boot sales are a god send. not only will you spend literally less than a quarter compared to brand new stuff, you can then flog it back on ebay and earn money back in some cases (providing its kept it decent condition). or carry on the karma and give away/sell at car boot for naff all.
moses basket is pointless - we had them for both our boys (no idea why we bought it second time round). our newborn is now 4 months old and its already gathering dust, shoved under his cot.
- baby carrier - get a sturdy one that has good adjustment (so you and the Mrs can swap)
- dummies - this is a good TOOL, nothing more. we used it on our first - maybe more than we should have, but it did help! getting rid of them is a matter of timing and will power. we took his away when he was ill (couldnt breath through nose) he basically rejected it, so we took this as an opportunity to get rid.
our second doesnt really get it, cant hold it in. but we use it occasionally if he's got wind or just needs help getting back to sleep in his cot. just dont make a habit out of it.
- buggies - (or strollers as they are also known) are bloody handy. you need to find one thats as light as possible, folds up small and with decent handle reach for us taller gents.
one that can be used as a flat bed (for earlier days) and also for more upright/outward facing times saves you having to upgrade/swap later.
we didnt bother with a pram and separate buggy. waste of money and a total faff. car boot sales or ebay. we only bought one new and that was heavily discounted. (down to £70) and we havent spent more than that on one since.
- muslin cloths - really handy. whether breast fed or bottle fed, that shit stains like a mother fucker when it comes back up.
- a good baby bag. cath kitson are all the rage if thats what you like. either that or any old lowe alpine style back pack is good enough. lots of pockets.
- baby wipes. shit loads of baby wipes. handy for cleaning the black stuff off babies back side and also for chainsets
- infacol/gripe water. your baby will probably have wind, so have this on standby just in case. nothing worse than a baby with wind that cant be settled/burped.
- calprofen/calpol - also useful if needed.
- make time for you and your mrs - i'm guilty of not doing this - its a big gesture to take the reigns for a night or 2 and do all the motherly things (except breast feeding if it applies)
i've tried to keep my advice as practical as possible - i wont bother telling you how to treat your child, thats up to you. just make sure it doesnt grow up to be a little s**t.
oh, also, make a check list of things to take out the house for your baby and stick it by the door. nothing worse than being caught out with a nappy full of shite and no wipes - especially if the nappy leaks
so much more advice to give, but to be honest, you'll learn it all yourself anyway. and if you go on to have another, you'll be laughing at the way your were with your first!
you may be a nervous wreck - constantly aware of ALL NOISE EVER MADE when its sleeping.
i couldnt sleep with my first son, for any noise (even a slightly heavy sigh) my eyes would open and my heart rate would raise thinking - OH MY GOD HE'S AWAKE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WORST NIGHT EVER!
i turned into a Hulk at night. zero patients, many a time did me and the mrs have arguments (which were laughed off/apologsied prefusley away through blood shot eyes the next day). but still, the lack of sleep really does f**k you up more than you will notice!
you'll get through it though.
lots of good advice on here. second hand baby sales (cant remember what they are called) and car boot sales are a god send. not only will you spend literally less than a quarter compared to brand new stuff, you can then flog it back on ebay and earn money back in some cases (providing its kept it decent condition). or carry on the karma and give away/sell at car boot for naff all.
moses basket is pointless - we had them for both our boys (no idea why we bought it second time round). our newborn is now 4 months old and its already gathering dust, shoved under his cot.
- baby carrier - get a sturdy one that has good adjustment (so you and the Mrs can swap)
- dummies - this is a good TOOL, nothing more. we used it on our first - maybe more than we should have, but it did help! getting rid of them is a matter of timing and will power. we took his away when he was ill (couldnt breath through nose) he basically rejected it, so we took this as an opportunity to get rid.
our second doesnt really get it, cant hold it in. but we use it occasionally if he's got wind or just needs help getting back to sleep in his cot. just dont make a habit out of it.
- buggies - (or strollers as they are also known) are bloody handy. you need to find one thats as light as possible, folds up small and with decent handle reach for us taller gents.
one that can be used as a flat bed (for earlier days) and also for more upright/outward facing times saves you having to upgrade/swap later.
we didnt bother with a pram and separate buggy. waste of money and a total faff. car boot sales or ebay. we only bought one new and that was heavily discounted. (down to £70) and we havent spent more than that on one since.
- muslin cloths - really handy. whether breast fed or bottle fed, that shit stains like a mother fucker when it comes back up.
- a good baby bag. cath kitson are all the rage if thats what you like. either that or any old lowe alpine style back pack is good enough. lots of pockets.
- baby wipes. shit loads of baby wipes. handy for cleaning the black stuff off babies back side and also for chainsets
- infacol/gripe water. your baby will probably have wind, so have this on standby just in case. nothing worse than a baby with wind that cant be settled/burped.
- calprofen/calpol - also useful if needed.
- make time for you and your mrs - i'm guilty of not doing this - its a big gesture to take the reigns for a night or 2 and do all the motherly things (except breast feeding if it applies)
i've tried to keep my advice as practical as possible - i wont bother telling you how to treat your child, thats up to you. just make sure it doesnt grow up to be a little s**t.
oh, also, make a check list of things to take out the house for your baby and stick it by the door. nothing worse than being caught out with a nappy full of shite and no wipes - especially if the nappy leaks
so much more advice to give, but to be honest, you'll learn it all yourself anyway. and if you go on to have another, you'll be laughing at the way your were with your first!
probably lots of good advice here im not sure I could add to it, mabey careful falling asleep with a baby in your arms, ive heard some really sad stories.
the main thing is relax you'll work it out, enjoy every minute, it will go quicker than you think
the main thing is relax you'll work it out, enjoy every minute, it will go quicker than you think
Barneyballbags
Old School Grand Master
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As someone else who's going to become a Dad (and in March next year too!), I'm keeping a close eye on this thread
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grogee":3nbyb8tg said:
Personally I would not use one on normal roads, on smooth off road yes
rosstheboss
Retrobike Rider
Some thoughts from the top my head....
Poundland is your friend for consumables - wipes, nappies etc
Ebay is awesome for secondhand, cheap stuff (as if you didn't know)
Routine is good but not set in stone - i.e. keep the routine the same but the time may vary for instance, don't sweat it if you're 20 minutes late for a feed for instance
Breast is most definitely best - nothing snobby, my wife works at a children and family centre and comes home with some amazing facts about it - every time a mother kisses her baby or has skin on skin contact a chemical signal is sent to tailor the breast milk to exactly what the baby needs, this is particularly important in the first few months. That said if it doesn't work for you, it absolutely isn't the end of the world.
*Edit* As an aside to the above comment have a look at your local Surestart or Children and Family Centres, they offer loads of support to new parents in every conceivable subject, especially socially - after you've gone back to work your missus will have a lot of time to herself, it's nice to share the load with other parents. We have made some great friends through the various groups and see plenty of them socially now too
We have been on this planet for thousands of years, if you can walk without falling over, you can look after a baby, most, if not all of it, is common sense.
Go with the flow.
Ignore 99% of everyone else's advice, it's your kid!
Invite us all to the head wetting knees up!
Best of luck mate, you'll be fine....
Poundland is your friend for consumables - wipes, nappies etc
Ebay is awesome for secondhand, cheap stuff (as if you didn't know)
Routine is good but not set in stone - i.e. keep the routine the same but the time may vary for instance, don't sweat it if you're 20 minutes late for a feed for instance
Breast is most definitely best - nothing snobby, my wife works at a children and family centre and comes home with some amazing facts about it - every time a mother kisses her baby or has skin on skin contact a chemical signal is sent to tailor the breast milk to exactly what the baby needs, this is particularly important in the first few months. That said if it doesn't work for you, it absolutely isn't the end of the world.
*Edit* As an aside to the above comment have a look at your local Surestart or Children and Family Centres, they offer loads of support to new parents in every conceivable subject, especially socially - after you've gone back to work your missus will have a lot of time to herself, it's nice to share the load with other parents. We have made some great friends through the various groups and see plenty of them socially now too
We have been on this planet for thousands of years, if you can walk without falling over, you can look after a baby, most, if not all of it, is common sense.
Go with the flow.
Ignore 99% of everyone else's advice, it's your kid!
Invite us all to the head wetting knees up!
Best of luck mate, you'll be fine....
