The justification game

[Tootyred]

With the season of goodwill to all mankind almost upon us, our minds at this time of year inevitably turn to more lofty thing, such as "what do I build next". For some however, this period can be a difficult time; forced to spend often up to A WEEK in the presence of the rest of their family, with no work or " late meetings" to save them.

For many, their only escape from this cruelty is elicit use of Ebay, Facebook, gumtree and other mind altering websites.

However, these " gateway sites" are dangerous; not only do most become addicted, but many will find that browsing is no longer enough and surcome to a purchase.

So, if you find yourself nervous that your loved ones have noticed you have clocked 8 hours of screen time by lunch, thumb hovering over the "confirm bid" button as the countdown goes into single figures, or panicked that your phone may be too far away incase a notification on the "<97 for sale forum" window (now glued open with the word "dibs" pre- typed) pops up, you might need our help.

Some may suggest counseling, not me, im here to offer a different type of help......a more helpful help.......

Yes.....this is the help for all those who suffer with "why do need another of those"....." where are you going to put that"......."i thought that money was for little Jimmy's college fund!".......etc etc etc.

So, help a fellow addict this Christmas and post your excuses and cast iron reasons below........you never know.......the bike that's saved might just be yours!

 

[Tootyred]

I will start the ball rolling with my patent space audit process.....its actually justification for keeping bikes in the house, which may open up more avenues!

Go round the house and assess the percentage space taken up with your stuff vs your partners.

Things to remember to include are....

1. Clothes, shoes and handbags. Normally a huge space hog. You can also legitimately claim back the space for 50% of your clothes, because, frankly, you never would have bought them.

2. All kitchen stuff. Think about it; if you lived on your own you would have a pint glass, a fork, plastic plate and a can opener. The rest is a legit claim.

3. Ornaments. Well nuff said really.

4. Any rooms occupied by children or their stuff. There's a high degree of probability that they and their space hogging is entirely the volition of the dorris.....q.e.d....

Once tabulated, present your findings (i personally go for a full over head projector pie / venn diagrams and handouts) this normally proves that the house you " share" is frankly being hogged by your partner and there's at least enough m2 " owed" to you for several bikes.

Good luck, stay strong and if all else fails, withdraw sexual services till its fixed.

 

[Betsy]

I can knock'up some printable 'wife friendly' receipts if anyone needs one?

"Oh ffs! not another one, how much was that?"

£15, here's the receipt if you don't believe me

 

[Tootyred]

That sounds great! Yes, if its got a proper headed paper look that would help too.

 

[greencat]

I simply make sure I buy any bike in parts or if it's a whole bike that it's the same colour as an existing bike. My missus still hasn't twigged that my grey Whyte hardtail has somehow reproduced and is responsible for a beautiful bouncing full suspension Vitus (also grey) - and I've had the vitus for nearly a year.

Electric bikes (or conversion of existing bikes) is another good excuse for them staying close to or inside the house as they need charging. Said bikes do not actually need to be electric, of course.

 

[Tootyred]

Great idea, adding a "charging lead" to any bike, then claiming it needs to be in doors as the shed has no electricity. Fantastic!

But what about those large impulse buys?

 

[KermitGKona88]

Quick question Re: Orniments ?

Can I claim that my Campagnolo Icarus and Middleburn RS 1 chainsets count as ornimental works of art ?

 

[novocaine]

"I was given it"
"it's my main form of transport"
"I earn the money, why can't I spend a little of it"
"What new bike?"
"I told you about it last week"

and we mustn't forget the teenage porn stash excuse of "It's not mine, I'm looking after it for a friend"

 

[Tootyred]

Can I claim that my Campagnolo Icarus and Middleburn RS 1 chainsets count as ornimental works of art ?

Yes....if they ask.....say i said it was ok.

teenage porn stash

Im assuming you mean the stash of porn you had when you were a teenager?.........not some recent find by the Mrs, who's not impressed by your choice of material.

 

[novocaine]

Im assuming you mean the stash of porn you had when you were a teenager?.........not some recent find by the Mrs, who's not impressed by your choice of material.

I am in my 40's, I can promise you that I mean the former not the latter.
besides, it's all digital now, so much easier to hide than when I were a lad and hard copy was the only way (everybody had that mate didn't they? the one who had a stack of porn so large it was almost impossible to understand how he managed it acquire it all).