Just wondering how you guage the 5nm torque by hand?
I don't have a torque wrench.

Also should the gap close completley?

it tighten either one at a time bit by bit but when i tighten one the other goes loose and so on
and they never actually fully tighten until the gap closes on the lowers?

Hi
I had a set of 888 and to torque them up I used a park tool milti allen key set held like a screw driver. This applied a very small amount torque. If you only have single Allen keys use the small arm of the Allen key to torque load, this keeps the loading small. The gap would nearly be closed up. It is. Very similar to the shimano hollow tech 2 cranks pitch bolts, just a bit at a time.
Good luck hope this helps.
George