Some one tell me a really good joke.

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.... (this in itself should ring alarm bells).


She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.


She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'Are you ok?' she says.


'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.


'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why?' says the blonde.




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"Because I'm the f###ing goalie

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket the driver says bloody hell thats an ugly baby!
The stunned woman sits down, then turns to one of the passengers and says i'm realy upset.
The passenger asks why and the woman says,i have just been insulted by the driver.
The passenger turns to the woman and says, You go and tell the driver what you think of him and i'll stay here and take care of your monkey!

Al.

the tax man is at a sinagogue looking through the books and notices there are the lot of recipts for candles, he askes the rabbi "what do you do with all the leftover wax?"
"well" sais the rabbi "we collect it over the year and send it back to the candle maker and once a year he send us a free box of candles."
"thats good" says the tax man. "so what is it that you do with all the leftover forskins?"
" im glad you asked" sais the rabbi "we collect them up over the year and send them back to the inland revenue, and once a year they send us a complete prick!"

I went to the zoo the other day.
They only had one dog.


it was a shit zoo. (shitsu)

A horse walks into a pub with a set of jump leads. Barman looks at him and says...

I don't mind you coming in here with a long face but you're not starting anything.

Two Blondes walk into a pub. You woulda thought one of them woulda seen it..

why do elephants paint their feet yellow?








to hide upside down in bowls of custard!


(Mr S Milligan)

How many Singletrackworld members does it take to change a light bulb?

48

-2 to discuss how it was better before everyone started using lightbulbs and they were the only ones who knew what a great idea light bulbs were,
-2 to discuss why their lightbulbs are better than your lightbulbs because they use bigger/smaller lightbulbs than everyone elses,
-15 to discuss why you should be using LEDs rather than lightbulbs and show you diagrams of their LED set up,
-1 pendant to tell you you should call it a lightbulb not a light bulb as a light bulb is a bulb that weighs very little, or something,
-25 to pretend to be engineers and explain in great length why your bulb blew in the first place but offering little else,
-1 to call you a racist.
and then Mark/Chipps comes along and changes it to put an end to it all.


How many MTBR VRC members does it take to change a light bulb?

-If you don't f*cking know, we're not telling you you light bulb noob!


How many Retrobikers does it take to change a light bulb?

-eeee, lightbulbs! We all use candles round here! May not work as well but it's what we did BITD and there's not reason to change (unless you can find a purple anodised one on ebay.de and then we'll rewire our house with brand new electricals and fittings just to use it)

here's one for ya

Family driving along behind an Ann Summers delivery lorry when a large black dildo flies out of the back of the lorry and slaps onto the windscreen.To save any embarrassment the mum quickly says "Golly children that was a big fly" to which her 8 year old son replies " yeah must have been huge to have a cock like that" Fnar..

In the sea there were two prawns, named Terry and Christian.
They're ok. But Terry isn't happy with his life and feels jealous of Bob the shark, so he decides to visit the great Cod, who makes wishes come true.
Terry goes to the great Cod and says how he wants to be a shark. "As you say, so shall it be", says Cod, and turns him into a mighty shark.
Terry loves being a shark, but none of his friends will talk to him anymore, as they think he'll eat them. He feels so lonely, he decides to go and see the great Cod again.
Cod duly changes him back to a prawn.
When Terry goes back, Christian still won't talk to him, and is hiding inside a cave.
Terry says:

























"It's OK, I've found Cod and now I'm a prawn again, Christian!".
I'll get my coat...