Very Uncomfortable Memory

I don't mean to go on but strewth my life is full of 'em, some not even here

1, I was about 12 and for many years as a family we had had a zip wire, I think they call them now, in the garden, it hadn't been used for some time and nettles had grown, I went on it landed, my trousers and pants came down and I was seriously nettled in the "lady garden" as Jeremy Clarkson would say,

2. When I was 16 my bro let me ride his CB400 I got to the village turned at the end of the lane, lot's of turning circle area, and rode home, I got back but was too short to hold it up, so stopped, stood for a sec and just went over on my side a bit like Del Boy falling next to the bar

3. Some years later I was learning to drive and at the flat I was living at my bro arrived in his Celica Supra and he let me have a go, I was convinced i could turn the circle despite his protestations, I snapped the bottom of his car, never spoke about it to him since 30 years ago

Alison

Alison":3edkazfm said:

my trousers and pants came down and I was seriously nettled in the "lady garden" as Jeremy Clarkson would say,

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Possibly the funniest statement Ive heard in quite a while

When my son was about 3 months old i was coming down the stairs with him in my arms and slipped..... all i remember as i fell was seeing him fly though the air and bouncing down the stairs all the way to the bottom :shock:

He cried for a while but i cried for much longer out of guilt & had nightmares about it for weeks.
I'm glad to say he wasn't injured in any way

SteveKlein":1ct5gqd2 said:

I was aged 12 and being the summertime I was in the garden climbing a tree and managed to fall head first from the top of the tree - I ended up giving myself concussion and breaking my left wrist (at this point I didn't know it was broken it just hurt a lot!!)
I got put to bed by my parents and woke up the next morning with my wrist swollen to twice its normal size

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up to this point I did a very similar thing but I managed to break both wrists, 6 weeks in plaster both arms

One that springs straight to mind was when i was in my early teens, my rents in their infinite wisdom, purchased me a townsend hotrock mtb, in a mind boggling 22" frame size, with those eternally wrong words "you'll grow into it"

I dont think a 22" frame would fit me now, and om over 6ft tall lol, and as with all cheapo stuffs back then, the rear brake routing was along the top tube of the frame and ran through those little braze on eyelet things....

So anyways, out on my trusty piece of scaffolding (sorry, bike) and i had to cross a busy dual carriageway flyover, i needed to be on the opposite side of the road, so i waited and set off when it was clear, lofted the front wheel up onto the kerb in the middle of the lanes, tried to shove my weight forward to bring up the rear wheel and it hit the kerb edge, and the bike stopped dead!!

I was flung forward with nowhere to go, and my little legs didnt touch the ground while i was aboard my rig, i landed on the crossbar with nowhere for my feet to go, and i felt a 'pop' sensation from the 'joy department' as i crushed what little i had of my 'sack' at that time...

My eyes filled up and i saw white and red marks in my eyes and went light headed, i managed to drag myself and my rig off the middle path/kerb thing and cross the other side of the road with my mate giggling away in hysterics.

Carried on the ride after a few mins recovery, feeling sick to my stomach and wanting to go home really, got to the Humber Bridge Country Park, which was our destination for the 'ride' and i had to give in, i went into the bushes to investigate...

Looked down into my boxers as id pulled them down, and there was blood, id popped my sack, i wanted to cry as it seemed the pain had come back even worse now id seen the damage, but thankfully it was only a small tear and there was no other damage, i was riding very awkwardly for a few weeks afterwards, and walking like John Wayne for a few days too, i never tried going up kerbs on that bike again, and my next bike after that was a 17" i made certain of that!

Even now just writing this up on here, ive got that shrinking sensation down there like you do when its rrreeeeaaallllyyy cold outside, always makes me wince thinking about that!

Went to sleep next to an articulated lorry. Woken up by 2 very worried looking people.

That was a close one.

The full story is i was sleeping against the drive wheels so when i moved off in the morning i slipped back and was now lying in line with the back wheels that were moving towards my head and torso as the driver pulled out of his overnight parking space.
Aged 15 or 16 and that was nearly it. all except for an old fellow and his Jack Russel dog.
Ive thought out many scenarios about if the old chap perhaps didnt want to take his dog out at 7am or perhaps the dog decided the route. I think there is a dozen possibilities as to the way that could have went.
Of course i didnt have my upper body crushed to jelly So maybe the luck i sometimes get played a part in that little encounter.


30 years back and it still chills be to the bone to think on it . Perhaps the telling of it is therapeutic :?

Last night again :facepalm: as soon as I turned 35, I'm a cringeworthy drinker, now every Sundays a :facepalm: day thank god for my non existent children.

I hope everyone seen the humour in my first post on page 1 as no offence was meant. I would never freeze a pie

Jamie

Works xmas 'outing' about 5 years ago. I'd given the vodka some hammer before I even got to the restaurant, because I hated these occasions. I'd decided to go home around 10ish, and was aiming to drink just enough to survive until then. Clearly I misjudged the amounts, because when a colleague asked at around 9:45 if I was up for an adjournment to the local 'nightclub', I said yes.
I can't begin to describe how soul-destroyingly awful this venue was, but imagine where Vicky Pollard might go on a Friday night. The name of the 'club' was painted on a 12-foot leopard-print sign ffs. The bouncers were neanderthal, the floor was coated with adhesive residue, and the DJ was probably about 15. Under these environs, I obviously had to drink more to compensate.
The last thing I remember is trying to carry two drinks from the bar and walking into someone, followed by the sound of breaking glass. Then there's a brief flash of pulling up outside my house in a taxi, trying to pay the driver and being told that I'd already paid, to the sound of hysterical laughter from the back seat. My next memory is waking up at 8:00 the next morning on my doorstep, with the postman stepping gingerly over me. I had no keys in my pocket, and had to knock at my landlord's house (next door) for a spare doorkey. He looked at me very oddly when he opened his door, which I put down to my massive hangover, until I entered my own house and glanced in a mirror to see that I was wearing mascara, eyeliner and lipgloss.

But none of these events were that uncomfortable, really. No, the real discomfort came when I entered the office on Monday, and not one single person who had been out that night, spoke to me. I have no idea to this day what I actually did, or attempted to do, in that accursed place, but it was at least 2 months before the girl who I'd been sharing a desk with for over a year, and was good friends with for even longer, would speak to me.
I don't tend to drink much when I go out, now.

Bloody hell, did you find out what it was you had done then, or is it still one of lifes mysteries?