Deflated: A comedy of errors..

Wasn't sure which section to put this, but it's a road story so here we go..

Yesterday, crack of dawn, met up with my roadie friend intending to enjoy a nice road ride. After 7km roadie got a flat.
1st attempt: Tried a Topeak stick on patch, just to try them out. = Flat tyre (can’t handle the pressure).
2nd attempt: Fitted friend’s new spare tube. Comes with installation piece to extend the valve for deep carbon rim but friend’s pump wouldn’t fit over his larger diameter extention! Used my mini pump. = Flat tyre (pinched new tube with tyre lever).
3rd Attempt: Hmm two knackered tubes! Patched the spare tube and tried lower pressure = Flat tyre (air leak at the extension piece, try as we might, not fixable).
4th Attempt: Back to original tube, only 4 patches of dubious effectiveness left so we used all 4 patches to reinforce the sealed area, bound with insulation tape robbed from a light fitting. = Flat tyre.
5th Attempt: 4 cable ties robbed from computer mount, zipped each side of the puncture then zipped again into S-shape. = Success! Bike can be ridden normally with the repair scarcely noticeable.
After 20 mins of riding and 1+ hour of fixing we rode to a cycle shop and while the bike got new Continental tubes with decent long valves, we went for fried noodles.

Lessons learned:
a) Make sure the tools/pump/spare tubes fit the bike!
b) Stick on patches are useless compared with the good old [and effective] vulcanizing patches with glue, chalk and a little bit of sandpaper. Of course patches are anyway a second chance emergency but if you’re carrying any they’d might as well work.
c) Carry a few small cable ties. They weigh nothing and make a superb emergency puncture fix.
d) Never give up!

E) never use conventional tyre levers to put your tyres back on, that is why we have opposable thumbs.

i am sure you must have felt that huge lump of inner tube and cable tie going around inside your tyre?

Live and learn right. I use Parktool stick on patches and they are very good; you still need to use sandpaper and make sure the area is completely dry and dust free first. You can do an overhand loop knot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overhand_loop) in the innertube at the puncture area so no need for zip ties.

''Schoolboy error''

I always carry three spare tubes and a decent puncture outfit on my rides.

You never know if you will puncture more than once but if you
do puncture and change the tube I always take five minutes
to slap a patch on the punctured one whilst at the cafe stop.

Done this since 1984, I went out on a ride and punctured no less than
five times on one single ride and nearly ran out of friggin patch's that day.

I always tell other riders to carry more than one tube just to be on the safe side

Hi Montello, tried with thumbs but couldn't, we must be wimps, or is there a special technique? Hi Matthew71, not my bike so i didn't ride it at speed but did a few meters test and at low speed couldn't even feel it, the 'huge' lump is less volumous than an inflated tube so maybe not as hideous as it looks, no doubt balance issues at speed but we just ambled back to town on flat roads. It got us home and saved a walk. Thanks for the tip Woz, hoping never to need it though Hi Ian, true, but one cannot fully know the competence of someone before riding with them, he had tube, patches, pump, tools etc, it's just one of those things. We had a laugh over it but didn't get many kms done that day. I might scrutineer his kit next time though!

Make sure the tube is fully fitted inside the tyre and fully deflated, make sure the bead of the tyre is not
on the higher ridge of the inside of the rim when fitting the tyre, push the tyre bead into off that high
edge when trying to fit the tyre, this will give you more room to flip the tyre over the edge of the rim.

After fitting inflate the tube a tiny bit then rub the tyre back and forth so the tube fits snuggly inside
the tyre and the tube is not nipped by the tyre, then inflate to correct pressure.

"I might scrutineer his kit next time though!"

.....no need. The pictures speak for themselves. It's clearly all modern junk where function is bypassed by fashion and advertising at the mercy of marketing men. You Sir on the other hand had a trusty proper bike not made out of baked Play Doh

All of the above plus always fit it back on such that the final section you are trying to fit is by the valve. The valve stops the tyres seating in the well of the rim so makes it tighter if you fit that section first.

Some clincher/rim combos are very tight and for them use a VAR lever.

I carry a VAR lever on all my bikes. One of the best bike tools invented.

Very helpful, thanks! Haven't fitted a skinny one in years, MTB balloons much easier..