About to be a dad (ulp)... any tips?

secret_squirrel":1sriem30 said:

jamabikes":1sriem30 said:

please dont get a 2nd hand car seat.

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Why on earth not? Providing its not covered in old vom or 15 yrs old why not?. Its a perfectly sensible thing to do. Apart from bring deluged in food and fluids there is nothing that can go wrong. Anyone who is mechanical enough to tinker with bike would have no problem with a car seat. I had ours apart to fix a known design flaw with the recliner - less parts than a set of v's or canti's. lots of dismantling guides on you tube.

One or 2 of ours have been from family and friends - we only have their word that there's nothing wrong with them - apart from the fact that if there was it would be obvious. Even in the worst case scenario where one has been dropped or crashed they aren't like helmets - once the washable covers come off any damage is perfectly visible.

In other news don't bother with a Moses basket - waste of time.

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As long as you know the folks you're buying it from then it's fine.

Once you put the word out its amazing what you're given...

Thanks all. The mrs has us signed up for some classes so I hope to be able to do all the bathing and feeding stuff.

I'm not proud at all - 2nd or 3rd hand is fine by me.

Car seats - I used to write the tests for Which? so I know a thing or two about them. We used to say never take a 2nd hand seat but I'd be happy getting one from friends or family knowing it hadn't been crashed.

I do like my sleep and fortunately/unfortunately am also a bit deaf... but guess I'll have to take my turn. That's the bit I'm dreading most I think.

Thanks for the advice chaps, and I'll try not to microwave it - but you know how we parents get with 'nappy brain'!

My daughter is 8 months old now.

Here's a few things I'd advise/wish I'd been told and a very important thing I was told:
The only number of muslin cloths that could reasonably be considered to be too many is infinity. You will use so many of these useful cloths you will curse yourself for not buying/scrounging enough.

Despite what the breastapo/lactavists will tell you, bottle feeding is OK. You will get more sleep this way 'cos the baby will get a big enough feed to sleep for 2 or 3 hours between feeds rather than 1 hour max between feeds for most breast fed babies.

Ready mixed formula looks expensive, but is priceless at 3am when you can feed instantly rather than having to wait for the kettle to boil then for the mixture to cool down.

Get a "Cool twister" - look it up on Amazon. For the same reason as ready mixed formula is great, being able to feed a screaming, hungry baby as quickly as possible becomes priceless.

IKEA may be hell to go around, but their baby stuff is fine and will last long enough. We got a cot, a mattress bumper (for around the cot) and a changing table for about £100.

Unless you know the people and are sure it's never been in an accident, buy a new car seat rather than a second hand one. (it's like your head and bike helmets, but even more precious).

Microwave oven bottle sterilizers are great. Get one.

Dr Brown's bottles are leaky pieces of shite (unless your baby has bad colic, then they are brilliant).

Never leave home without a bottle of milk and at least 2 clean nappies.

Changing nappies isn't as bad as you are worried about.

Accept 2nd hand stuff graciously. Even if it is not to your taste, you will almost certainly find it useful.

If you do give the baby a dummy, a "Sleepy tot bunny" or similar (again, look it up on Amazon) will allow a baby to very quickly learn where a spare dummy is, and use it without waking you.

Finally, the very best piece of advice I was given. You absolutely should do this. Even if you ignore all the other advice. - On day 3 after your baby is born, buy your wife/partner the very biggest bunch of flowers that you can possibly afford. This is when she will be feeling most knackered and low. She will appreciate the gesture.

Don't forget to savour it and enjoy every moment you possibly can.

grogee":3827r5g9 said:

Thanks all. The mrs has us signed up for some classes so I hope to be able to do all the bathing and feeding stuff.

I'm not proud at all - 2nd or 3rd hand is fine by me.

Car seats - I used to write the tests for Which? so I know a thing or two about them. We used to say never take a 2nd hand seat but I'd be happy getting one from friends or family knowing it hadn't been crashed.

I do like my sleep and fortunately/unfortunately am also a bit deaf... but guess I'll have to take my turn. That's the bit I'm dreading most I think.

Thanks for the advice chaps, and I'll try not to microwave it - but you know how we parents get with 'nappy brain'!

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I found the sleep thing the hardest - as I struggle to get to sleep again, after waking up in the middle of the night - you may well be right in dreading it. It does pass, though, a feed gets missed or stretches and before you know it - I seem to recall it was only weeks, they're doing something like midnight 'til 5 or 6 straight through.

Ignoring all the advice on semantics, techniques, and equipment - the one thing I would say, is get in there and do all the same things right from the off - as much for you, as for mum. Being happy in dealing with a baby, is just practice and experience. I suspect your natural reaction will be realising their head needs support for a while - but being very familiar and doing all these tasks with the baby right from the off, means you'll be confident about doing it all, and it will leave your wife / girlfriend / partner thinking they're not on their own.

I know some mums want to do it all, and for some dads, it's the easiest thing to acquiesce to that - but don't. Make sure you're doing it all too, else it will always be that thing where you're passing the baby to mum to do stuff. If you're going to take the baby to some classes or sessions (like baby massage or the like) consider you doing it with the baby - you'll get more familiarity, and mum will get a break.

What Neil says above. Don't let her feel it is just her doing "all the work."

Oh, and do a baby first aid course. Nothing will go wrong (almost certainly) but knowing that you know how to deal with an emergency will allow you to relax just a little bit more.

its not just whether the car seat has been in a crash...

http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-many- ... 231_691.bc

a hand me down is more likely to be over the 6 years most companies recommend. and yes its probably sales buncombe, but i for one wouldn't want to find out they were right.

Neil":w6o3m8ys said:

incorrigible":w6o3m8ys said:

I forgot to mention - in all seriousness - for God's sake, for the child's sake, and for your sake, (and I apologize if this seems like mere common sense, but) don't take advice about raising a child from someone who's never done it. And I mean this not only when dealing with a newborn, but at any stage of a child's life.

Advice from a mom is OK if you need parenting advice in general, but if you want advice about being a dad, ask someone who has actually been, or is currently, a dad; no-one else. In fact, get several opinions from several dads and then make your decision.

I say this from the experience of having been a child whose parents took advice from people (whether ill-intentioned or not, whether they had ulterior motives or not) that had never raised children of their own.

Myself, I'll never get over it. :x :evil:
I don't blame my parents for being naive; I blame their "friends" who had motives and agendas of their own.

Sorry for the rant, but since you asked...

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There's something to that - but all the same, when I had kids, I decided to largely ignore people - I'd hear what they say, take it with a pinch of salt, but largely do my own thing. Whatever I did do, had to make rational sense to me, rather than just buying into somebody's opinion or their dogma.

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Rational sense was implied when I said "make your decision", but not stated explicitly. My bad. My line of thinking is that dad's all over the world have been raising kids since the beginning of humanity, so if advice is what one is seeking, then it's in one's best interest to ask enough dads and see if there is a majority or general consensus, which would tend to indicate that such a consensus is probably fairly rational advice, but in the end, of course, it's the OP's own decision to make.

"Take it with a pinch of salt" (i.e., "consider the source") is also great advice for anyone asking for advice about anything IMHO. Call it dogma, opinion, ulterior motive, agenda, or whatever - everyone that gives advice will be influenced by their own experiences, attitudes, and emotions; and the "pinch of salt" will hopefully enable the one who asks for and receives advice to filter out the potentially bad advice.

In any case, it appears from the popularity of this thread that there's no shortage good advice from well-intentioned dads who have no motive other than to help the OP by giving him the benefit of their experience, and for that, I'm happy. Rant over.

incorrigible":1kj2d3ne said:

Neil":1kj2d3ne said:

incorrigible":1kj2d3ne said:

I forgot to mention - in all seriousness - for God's sake, for the child's sake, and for your sake, (and I apologize if this seems like mere common sense, but) don't take advice about raising a child from someone who's never done it. And I mean this not only when dealing with a newborn, but at any stage of a child's life.

Advice from a mom is OK if you need parenting advice in general, but if you want advice about being a dad, ask someone who has actually been, or is currently, a dad; no-one else. In fact, get several opinions from several dads and then make your decision.

I say this from the experience of having been a child whose parents took advice from people (whether ill-intentioned or not, whether they had ulterior motives or not) that had never raised children of their own.

Myself, I'll never get over it. :x :evil:
I don't blame my parents for being naive; I blame their "friends" who had motives and agendas of their own.

Sorry for the rant, but since you asked...

Click to expand...

There's something to that - but all the same, when I had kids, I decided to largely ignore people - I'd hear what they say, take it with a pinch of salt, but largely do my own thing. Whatever I did do, had to make rational sense to me, rather than just buying into somebody's opinion or their dogma.

Click to expand...

Rational sense was implied when I said "make your decision", but not stated explicitly. My bad. My line of thinking is that dad's all over the world have been raising kids since the beginning of humanity, so if advice is what one is seeking, then it's in one's best interest to ask enough dads and see if there is a majority or general consensus, which would tend to indicate that such a consensus is probably fairly rational advice, but in the end, of course, it's the OP's own decision to make.

"Take it with a pinch of salt" (i.e., "consider the source") is also great advice for anyone asking for advice about anything IMHO. Call it dogma, opinion, ulterior motive, agenda, or whatever - everyone that gives advice will be influenced by their own experiences, attitudes, and emotions; and the "pinch of salt" will hopefully enable the one who asks for and receives advice to filter out the potentially bad advice.

In any case, it appears from the popularity of this thread that there's no shortage good advice from well-intentioned dads who have no motive other than to help the OP by giving him the benefit of their experience, and for that, I'm happy. Rant over.

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Not really sure it warranted a rant, really?

All I was saying is that many think it's a good idea to canvas opinions, and cherry pick. Thing is, you'll often get conflicting opinions from different people - all very convinced - often with nothing other than dogma support it.

Me? Well I didn't go canvassing opinions, but I listened to what people had to say - many I ignored, some I maybe took it on board, but if I'm honest, I largely just ignored it all - but the actual parenting? I think most sort it out for themselves.

There's some factors where hearing what people can have to say can make sense - good products, bad products. But then, really? Not sure - practically most threads on most subjects will have people contradicting each other.

As to the actual dealing with a baby? Well nothing trumps actual hands-on doing. Learn by doing. And my only true point on that, is don't be put-off, discouraged from being able to do everything, right from the off - even when they're still in hospital.

Haven't read through but one bit of advice I give everyone is get as much family involved as possible. If you don't have a spare room try to make some space for relations to come and stay to give mum a break. Establish those patterns of shared care from day one, and the future will be much less stressful.

Oh yeah, and learn to spell gulp!