Viz-style Top Tips

David B

David B

Old School Grand Master
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As we already have a Rubbish Joke thread, to plumb equally spectacular depths of corniness, would there be many RB takers for a Top Tips thread?

To start the ball rolling....

Sweet fans: have your local shops run out of Polos? Simply make your own by boring through a packet of Trebor Extra Strong Mints using a pillar drill.

David
 
Always keep a supply of Battenburg cake in your cupboards. That way, if you become trapped in your kitchen or pantry, you can pass the time by playing chess or draughts with yourself, while awaiting rescue.
 
Take a holiday in fukishima, then when you come home and ride at night, you will never have to spend money on batteries again
 
In the best tradition of Viz offering pairs of tips that sort of cancel each other out....

Sweet fans: have your local shops run out of Trebor Extra Strong Mints? Simply make your own by filling up the holes in Polos with freshmint toothpaste.

David
 
Cyclists, enjoy the feeling of a new bike fresh from Halfrauds by loosening all the cables so the gears and brakes don't work.
 
HUSBANDS. Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You'll love the bit where you give her back the ring, walk back up the aisle, get into a car and **** off.

AMERICANS. Build your houses out of bricks and mortar instead of cheap wood to avoid having them destroyed by hurricanes every few weeks.



Shamelessly lifted from Viz
 
Next time you get a nusance phone call asking if you have ever had an accident and thought of claiming compensation. Say yes, you pooed yourself in Tescos last week.
 
Place a chocolate button between your wife/girlfriends bum cheeks while she is asleep. When she wakes up she'll think that she has 'followed through'.
 
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