Careless teens - what to do? Now with new dilemma.

i have a good idea for you.
buy your kid a raleigh activator.
he wont even need to lock the thing up, cos no one would even rob one.

What does he do that makes him habitually late for the train?

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He's a teenager

Whats them italian plastic bikes in beige?

Aaaaaaaaaaah teenagers!

Been going through through hell with my 15yo stepson recently too. I feel for you buddy! He's had two bikes nicked too - the first one was sheer bad luck - kryptonite lock destroyed etc in town, the second one he got a fearsome bollocking for, as he decided to not use his kryptonite lock at school and instead use the schools own ones (that are xmas cracker type quality!) He got the bike back but it was damaged (on purpose - ripped saddle and grips, scratched paint etc). The reason he was using his 'nice' bike as opposed to the piece of crap he bought to do his paper round and go to school on? The chain had broken THREE months previously and he couldn't be bothered to get it back from his mates house so I YES I!!! could fix it for him!

Other gems from recent weeks -

"Why can't I have the maintenance money as I don't ever see a penny of it?"
"It was your choice to have kids so it's your fault you're stressed"

I could go on...

My wife works with children and there is a book called 'Blame my Brain' which is very insightful into the mad and frankly disturbing world of a teenage brain - every wondered why they occasionally seem so completely random/retarded/bonkers? During puberty your entire brain slowly rewires itself and during this process different parts of the brain are affected, and ct scans show this as having a similar pattern to brain damage after physical trauma!!!! So the next time he plays up just tell him it's not his fault he's done wrong, he can't help it as his brain isn't working properly, it's perfectly natural to think completely the wrong thing!

We found the best way to punish him was to take away his boredom killers - i.e. tv, computer, phone, ipod, bike etc. The phone had the greatest effect, that and grounding. The cash thing would personally be irrelevant as I see my lad spend it like water and it doesn't seem to matter whether he has any or not... lucky boy!

I'm surprised noone has thought to ask how far is the train journey and why is he not cycling the whole way?

In terms of his reaction to the thefts, perhaps you should give yourself a pat on the back that he's not so materialistic that he overly cares about possesions?

If he was having to walk 5 miles to work and are saving up for a bike to cycle that distance then he's far more likely to be attached to it, than a present?

How can you ever expect hime to understand how lucky he is to have a bike when I assume you probably have multiple high class bikes, he will automatically think that his is worthless and not worth his attention, it's a perspective thing I guess.


Just thinking out loud

I'm surprised to hear of a destroyed kryptonite lock, I thought they'd just started to cut through the frames instead as that's sooo much easier. . .

dbmtb":22xtrol6 said:

Games ban would work - but would be unfair on his younger brother who he shares the consoles with. Younger brother is of course learning from all his bros mistakes, like my kid brother did.

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although unfair (in a kevin and perry kind of way) - this would be quite effective - the pressure from the younger brother for him to do right so they can both play on the console would double your efforts with one decision.

if you take too much away from him in one go, he may become too resistive to your actions and the message would be lost.

so week 1 = games ban, week 2 - (if no improvement), games ban plus money taken away...etc etc, gives him the foresight of the consequences to his actions which should help motivate him to give a sh*t.

children are over-stimulated and under-motiviated these days (although teens make a good case for acting/looking under-stimulated most of the time).

i've got another 10 1/2 years before my son hits the teens.
god knows what kind of expectations he'll have then comapred to teens these days!

Get him a really crap bike to use that wont get nicked.

gtRTSdh":222w3826 said:

I'm surprised noone has thought to ask how far is the train journey and why is he not cycling the whole way?

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It's too far... Takes me 45 minutes to ride to his destination - at his speed it'd mean him missing the class. Plus roads are totally unlit and he'd never find his way back on the country lanes. Even I'm not that mean... (tempting though it is!)

twain":dt9jxd80 said:

if you take too much away from him in one go, he may become too resistive to your actions and the message would be lost.
!

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This was my main worry.

gtRTSdh":3ktjb4x8 said:

How can you ever expect hime to understand how lucky he is to have a bike when I assume you probably have multiple high class bikes, he will automatically think that his is worthless and not worth his attenion

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Had also crossed my mind... He does actually have 2 nice bikes (my old carbon road bike and a Specialized fully) at his disposal but he also knows there will be even bigger hell to pay if he uses them for anything other than proper bike rides.....

He did leave the carbon road bike at the station once - locked through the front wheel...... So actually this is THIRD time he's pulled a stunt like this. Luckily I noticed the road bike's absence before it was too late and I grabbed it from the station.