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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:47 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:18 pm
Posts: 3798
Location: Staffordshire
I wouldn't read this if you are about to eat! I have had a couple of showers and got through a whole tube of toothpaste and still don't feel clean.
Despite the nasty weather, I decided a road ride was in order today. The wind was very strong and I was having to pedal stood up down hill to get up to only 15mph! Then the rain came. Still, dry from the waist up (Gore Tex) so not too bad. Still, I decided to cut the ride short but to compensate for such blatent wussiness, I decided to ride The Hermatage. For those who don't know (most of you I should imagine), this is the long, steep hill rising out of Bridgnorth in Shropshire.
Despite being fitter of late, my climbing hasn't really come back to me yet (still have a stone to loose) but up I went. I tried practicing my once impressive sudden uphill acceleration and was nearly ill. Never mind (puff-puff-pant) nearly at the top.
Holy mother of Merckx, what is that sewage smell? Those familiar with the climb will know there is no sewage works around there.
The answer (unfortunately) was quite quick in coming. The tractor in the field (above me, up a bank) reached the end of its run and turned around. As he did, his muck spreader was parallel to the road and sent a shower (read deluge) of sewage residue down on me.
Now, I don't know if you have ever been stuck by a hundredweight of aerial turds, but if you are, take it from me DO NOT scream "WTF" to the heavens as the next hundredweight gleefully heads for your mouth.
I think I got most of it up (one way or another) so who knows, I might just get away with hepatitis!!!

Needless to say the remaining 20 miles of the ride were not happy ones! I actually averaged 24mph in my eagerness to get home and clean!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:52 pm 
King of the Skip Monkeys
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Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:34 pm
Posts: 26186
Location: Moomin Valley
:shock: :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:52 pm 
East Midlands AEC
East Midlands AEC
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Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 7:45 pm
Posts: 15067
Location: Derby, UK
:( :lol: :shock:

not sure which emoticon sums it up best!!! I mean we've all had the cowpat in the mouth flying down a field, but this....


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:54 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:35 pm
Posts: 266
Location: hampshire
id go back and throw one of your own turds at the farmer. see how he likes it.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:12 pm 
retrobike rider
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Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 12:28 pm
Posts: 4179
Location: rutland
whats the name of this sitcom :lol:

i was out today , not shite but had excessive wind to the point where you think " sod this i might as well walk " after battling the wind i reached the start of the dirt . and it fooking pissed it down , only wearing a tshirt i abandoned the bike and hid by a tree hoping the wind would soon push it away , once it eased off and i was soaked i carried on

if it was me id have rolled around in a puddle :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:43 pm 
retrobike rider
retrobike rider
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Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2007 6:35 pm
Posts: 5804
Location: Dunkeswell, Nr Honiton, Devon
lmao... btw you werent the one who bought my kirks frame and bits off me where you via ebay????

I had a similar exp when i was a kid, me and my mates where in a little gulley with a stream (locally known as devils waterfall) and a tractor above us was muck spreading, luckily we press ourselves against the gulley wall the same side as the tractor as the shower came down, and just missed us getting a turd shower.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:05 pm 
Anglian Deputy AEC
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Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:13 pm
Posts: 6928
Location: Livin' in a dust bowl
Sorry, but after a crap day at work that's made me laugh, just what I needed. BTW I was out in tractor today and some cyclist on the road that runs by my field started shouting and swearing at me, don't know why.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:07 pm 
East Midlands AEC
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Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 7:45 pm
Posts: 15067
Location: Derby, UK
Quote:
i was out today , not shite but had excessive wind to the point where you think " sod this i might as well walk "


I find a good fart usually cures this :D


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:17 pm 
Anglian Deputy AEC
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Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:13 pm
Posts: 6928
Location: Livin' in a dust bowl
orange71 wrote:
Quote:
i was out today , not shite but had excessive wind to the point where you think " sod this i might as well walk "


I find a good fart usually cures this :D


I was at the osteopath this afternoon getting my back sorted, as he was cracking and manipulating every joint in my body I was desperate for a fart. Held it in until he left the room.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:29 pm 
West Midlands AEC
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Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 11:06 pm
Posts: 6266
Location: Stow on the Wold, Glos
Mark thats a classic !! :lol: :lol:

if you see this man!! Do not approach !! :lol: :lol:

Image


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