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PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:41 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:51 pm
Posts: 321
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that!" She claims.
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "What are you doing?" She asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that." Again she claims.
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!"


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 12:55 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2006 11:49 pm
Posts: 292
Location: writes stuff
Just married couple in bed on their honeymoon.

The new blushing bride turns to her husband and says, " before we get into this Terry, i have a confession to make "

"Oh yeh", says terry, " what's that then".

"I used to be a hooker" says his wife.

Slightly turned on the by the thought of having sex with his new wife, especially now he's found out she might have some inside knowledge to bring to the party he says, " That's ok love, would you like to tell me about it?"

"Sure" she says.
















" My name was Nigel and i played for Wigan"..


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:14 pm 
BANNED USER
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Joined: Fri Sep 12, 2008 9:03 am
Posts: 698
Location: Over there, not far from over here
Did you hear about the dislexic pimp??

He bought a warehouse!!!!!


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:44 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2008 10:49 am
Posts: 4061
Location: A veritable floating palace
Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?

Choked to death on his own Vimto.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:05 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:57 pm
Posts: 900
Location: Leeds
Did you hear about the dislexic devil worshipper


He sold his soul to santa


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:10 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:19 am
Posts: 2094
Location: Sheffield, top city
three doctors talking ...

German doctor - we have such good medical facilities, we can transplant a kidney from person to another and they can be out looking for work within 3 months.

French Doctor - we can put the lungs from one person into another and they can be out looking for work in a month

British doctor - We can take an Asshole from Scotland, put him into No 10 and half the country can be out looking for work the next day


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:26 pm 
South East AEC
South East AEC
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 3882
I was walking along and this kid threw Sodium Chloride in my face.

I said, "I hope you know this is assault."


A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her **** appendix out!"


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:38 pm 
retrobike rider
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Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:53 pm
Posts: 2981
Location: Super Sussex by the Sea
A rather offensive one for you.....

Did you hear about the thalidomide victim porn star?

















He had an arm like a baby's cock...

I'm sorry...


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:52 pm 
South East AEC
South East AEC
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 3882
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:55 pm 
South East AEC
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 3882
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.

So first he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need"), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.

Finally the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jack off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy: "You idiot, I was trying to say, I need a hand saw". The other guy replied: "I know, I was trying to tell you that "I am coming...".


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