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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 1:19 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:35 am
Posts: 630
Location: northants
hahaha, some good ones there folks!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 2:38 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:19 am
Posts: 2098
Location: Sheffield, top city
four old school business men agree to meet and do a deal on the golf course. As theyre parking the Bentleys, one of them, bob goes into the clubhouse to sign them in and pay the fees.
"Pity about bob's son", says one them "heard he's a gay lap dancer. now my lad, he's a property developer - doin that well, he gave afriend a flat for free". "Great", says chap 2 "my lads doin good as well. he imports sports cars. Doin that well, he gave a porsche to a friend for free". "And my boy", says the third "is doin so good with his holiday firm, he's given a month's cruise away to a friend for free".
bob appears from the clubhouse and the other three decide to wind him up a bit "Hey bob, hows yer lad goin?" says one. bob looks at the floor a bit sheepishly and says "Yeah, I know. he's a gay dancer down town somewhere". He then looks up and adds more cheerfully "but he's doin well, his last three boyfriends gave him a flat, a porsche and a holiday".


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 2:50 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:01 am
Posts: 1364
Location: West Somerset/East Devon
Good luck dude, remember most will be paraletic, and the others won't care. So don't let it worry you.

Good public speaking is preparation, and you've done the first part. Whatever joke you choose, learn it off by heart.

If you are in sales, do Pigman's joke about the Golfers' Sons. that'll go down well. But just make sure non of your bosses' sons are gay!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

And don't forget, good comedy is in the................ pause. :wink:

Let us know how you get on!


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 Post subject: Joke
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 pm 
The Killer
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Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:09 pm
Posts: 283
Location: Leicester
Why did the baker have smelly hands?














........Because he (k)needed a poo! :lol:

This is ace, it should be a regular section!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 11:56 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:47 pm
Posts: 1748
Location: Fairfax, California
The mailman was doing his last day of deliveries before Christmas and he came to Mrs. Jones house and rang the bell. She answered the door in a sheer negligee and invited him in, where she led him to the bedroom and had her way with him, much to his surprise and delight! Afterward she asked him if he would like a cup of coffee and he said he would like that. A few minutes later he looked at his watch and said he had to get going to finish his deliveries. As he headed out the door, she called to him and held out two dollars to give him. He said "what's this for?" She replied " Last night I asked my husband what we should give you for Christmas and he said-"F#%K him, give him two dollars"-the coffee was my idea".


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:22 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:21 pm
Posts: 5785
Location: Lost in Translation
A man goes to confession.

"I'm 67 years old, happily married for 41 years. My wife is a wonderful mother and homemaker. We have three children and seven beautiful grandchildren. Yesterday, driving home from watching my grandson play football, I picked up two 17 year old girls hitch-hiking, took them to a motel, and had my way with them twice each."

"Do you repent of your sin?" asked the priest calmly.

"Repent? Are you kidding? I loved every second!"

"What kind of Catholic are you?" says the priest, shocked.

"Catholic? I'm Jewish!"

"So why are you telling me this?" asks the bewildered priest.

"I'm telling everybody!"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 10:20 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:57 pm
Posts: 900
Location: Leeds
It went grand thank you all very much for your suggestions. I used a number of the jokes above and all went down pretty well.


As suggested i think we should keep this section going. Its always good to have a bit of amusement in the day.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:22 pm 
Gold Trader
Gold Trader
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:47 pm
Posts: 1899
Location: Somerset
Two mates are chatting in the pub and one says to the other; "If I went round your house when you were out, shagged your Missus and she got pregnant, would that make us related?"

"not sure" says his mate, "but it would probably make us even".


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:32 pm 
Dirt Disciple

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:27 am
Posts: 77
Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a garageful of dead hookers?















Most truckers haven't got a Ferrari :shock:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:46 pm 
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
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Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:29 pm
Posts: 2378
Location: London
What's the difference between jam and marmalade?












You can't marmalade your cock up a bird's arse


:shock:


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