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 Post subject: separated father advice
PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:45 pm 
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my ex failed to engage in voluntary mediation so off to family court I go any advice? lil'un is only 10mnths old and I have barely seen her, I aiming for regular access so that she and I can get to know each other. I have never been to any form of court but have a solicitor.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:38 pm 
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I had the same situation many years ago, and the judge sided with me...


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:44 pm 
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If the woman 'plays the game' and has a decent Brief the Courts will almost always favour her; that's not to say you won't get anywhere, just that if you have had to take this route then it's not going to be pleasant...

...Family Law doesn't refer to 'Access' any longer; it is now termed as 'Joint Custody' and it is up to the Court to decide just how that applies to yourself.

As the child is so young the best you can hope for is some form of 'Supervised Contact' which usually takes place at a Grandparents house if the estranged parents cannot relate to each other in a civil manner, or at a mutually convenient location for maybe half an hour a week!

There is loads of info online, most of it reliable, so you would be better off doing some research; I will say it only gets worse when new partners, on either side, are factored into the equation.

I had years if Hell trying to play a reasonable part in my kids' upbringing; my daughter was four-years-old when I left the family home so we had had the opportunity and time go form that important Father/Daughter bond. My son was only two and fell prey to the bitterness of his Mother, to the point where I didn't actually see him for several years at one point.

In fact, it wasn't until he was 18 and more able to separate fact from fiction that he made the move to get to actually 'know me' more rather than believe what his Mother had always told him!

My two are now 30 and 28 and credit me with showing them that there was another way of life other than the one they were surrounded by at home; I sometime think to myself that I don't entirely deserve their love and respect, but my son is 6' 3 so who am I to argue! :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:50 pm 
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stick with it, i never knew my dad, dont even have a pic


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 8:17 am 
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I am hoping to be able to take her to playgroup/family group as this means I have 'childcare' professionals to help me develop the 'careskills'. It's a long journey..


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 9:07 am 
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Most important thing is to maintain contact. Mine are 19 now. (Twins) split when they were four. Despite acrimony always did the drive mid-week and took them swimming/wacky bloody warehouse etc and had them most alternate weekends.

Quality time on a regular basis will keep your relationship strong, and NEVER share the sh*t despite what may be said about you.

Best of luck.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 12:17 pm 
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joe careless wrote:
my ex failed to engage in voluntary mediation. but have a solicitor.


So, you have pursued access.

Listen to solicitor advice to the letter. They deal with these situations daily and understand the 'core' legalities of it all, despite not always telling you what you want to hear. roll with it, it's all about the long game, you have the rest of your lives to correct things. Although your emotions will cloud your mind right now, chill the best you can.

These situations, relationship fails and child access bring the best and worst out of everyone. I know nothing of your situation but assume you are the one coming off second best...the truth is nobody has the upper hand it's just the legal and family/friend interference, good or bad that can change the odds in either direction from time to time. The important bit is to remain civil and you will sleep better knowing you have tried to be fair and cilvil, if the other side doesn't match up then, you (and others) will know where the faults lay. Seeking out the 'uncooperative' one never solves anything though, it just helps to put things into perspective.

I last spent time with my son when he was two, next year he turns ten. The best and worst as quoted above is that the best of me told me to keep away, the worst was that i kept away.
I didn't qualify for contribution based legal aid as earned too much..?..14k on top...yeah, rolling in it but, if i earned any less to qualify...I wouldn't have been able to pay mortgage, bills etc...and of course child maintenance. What do you do? Going private was no option as i had £25 pw to live on as it was. yeah, food, travel costs, the lot. Not sure how i did it, but did.

I had to bury any bitterness deep down and back-off. In good time you will find your own solutions even though they may not be perfect solutions, things will remedy themselves in good time

1. chill

2. roll with legal advice-it's the main allied force at the moment.

3. chill, any bad feelings spilling over can bite you later on.

4. chill. :wink:


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:07 pm 
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Sound advice...8)

Most important aspect to play on in Court is the necessity to form that parental bond from the start; it just isn't something you can do at a later date.


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