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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 8:26 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:36 pm
Posts: 4007
Location: uk
Many thanks so far..........

She has PSD from a previous relationship and that only used to manifest as anger when she drank, but it comes out all the time now, if i'm helpful i get shit if i get things wrong i get shit, and i mean full on anger, and undoing anything i have tried to do.

She has only just started to see a counseller after promising to do that for years.

She basically has wanted me there to cook, clean, wash up, tidy up over the years (the woman has never been able to close a draw, never mind clear up after a baby)........some of my mental health clients have more home skills than her and they are classed as needing support in their living, i could post up pics of the daily mess i have to clear up over the years but i won't.

It's dangerous for the babe, some of the the stuff she leaves on the floor,

When i leave the place is going to be like a squat, unless by having full control, something will kick in and she'll be tidy, but like her mum said, she has always been like that.


No, i've seen too many people get angry, i only have love and understanding for my son, she has said that she will never cause issue about seeing him, but i know that might change when a solicitor starts telling her what she should be doing.

I have just started working again and hoped that would help, but she has made friends with 2 people heading for the same thing, with terrible sounding husbands, that tell their wifes who they can and can't see who never help out and go out all the time etc............i'm the total opposite, always happy for her to do her own thing, and encouraged her to go back into education, but now i am one of those bad men, she has been inflluenced i feel as she has told me her friends have said we should break up.

So after being told to leave a few times now, for silly things like if i didn't put my rucksack or paperwork out of sight...(i have about 1 metre square in the whole of the flat for my stuff) and can never find a place to sit, because her sprawl covers all seating........i tidy and the next day or afternoon, a new mess appears, things hangingout of draws, clothes all over the floor, things on top of things till it all falls over..........tired of it.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 8:36 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:55 am
Posts: 2918
Location: Dorset
I feel for you man :(


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 8:51 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:36 pm
Posts: 4007
Location: uk
To prove i'm not making this up, i will post a pic or two, ie one day it's like this.......i tidy up quite often the next day it's like that......the only tidy room is my son's, but he 's crawling now. This is not my mess i have to add, i'm tidy ! fn shameful......i clear all this down put all her dry washing away and she dumps it on the floor..........just imagine clearing this crap up everyday, hoovering etc, then get back to find it like that, with food of the floor.....then i have to start again...........now that i get up at 04.30 am and pull a 10 hour shift, it smarts a bit !

I'm so disgusted i've removed pics, i just wanted to prove i'm not going mad and it is not acceptable, my place back in Wales used to be like a show house, till she moved in with 3 cats and just so much crap :| thought she would get better with having a baby, they say people either get tidy or just let it hang for a bit.....it's like living with a teenager !

When i go i think i will have a word with the health worker just to keep an eye on any mess, or maybe left to her own divices she might start doing it herself.


Last edited by greenstiles on Sun Aug 11, 2013 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:42 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 1:10 am
Posts: 4756
Location: Heathfield, East Sussex
I wouldn't normally say so but you're well out of it...

...there's only so much you can do!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 10:24 am 
King of the DuckBoard
King of the DuckBoard

Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:30 pm
Posts: 21466
'She says she can't afford to divorce me'

Divorce is not expensive. Just don't get the lawyers in. agree between you. 3 months & £350 cost. get the papers from your family court.
so easy i did it twice.
go to your local C.A.B office for a chat not a cycling chatroom IMO


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 11:24 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:29 pm
Posts: 1877
Location: Somerset
The only reason I could leave my baby was if I genuinely thought it was in her best interests. Are you intending to leave, prove incapable to look after your child & get main custody?


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 11:34 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:36 pm
Posts: 4007
Location: uk
C.A.B office.......will do........others experiences are valuable ........she's a good mum, just as long as other people are doing all the stuff she doesn't want to do ! Reading a kindle or watching a movie while feeding him is not good in my books, but she does..........if however i feed him 1 min late there is hell on earth...................yes CAB it is.

Many thanks


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:16 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:54 pm
Posts: 697
looks like she cant even clean up wtf were you thinking by bringing a child into this relationship,,,,,,,,,,,,


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:25 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:36 pm
Posts: 4007
Location: uk
Promises of change and working towards the future........like most of us.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 6:09 pm 
retrobike rider
retrobike rider

Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:21 pm
Posts: 635
Location: Ripon
dont post pics; be calm
and go carefully.
things change over time;you get angry but you get over it
nothing stays the same;ie you argue its her fault after awhile you start to share the blame
tricky thing divorce/leaving a home take it slow and easy
and can your anger emotions
all the best


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