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 Post subject: Teenagers, is it just me
PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:57 am 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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My 13 year old has for a couple of years, and especially the last year, become very rude to us and especially her dad, he can hardly say anything without her telling him to shut up. every day this week she's come home at 16:15 to find her 8 year old brother on the main computer and because I've said he has another half an hour left she's hit him, or turned off the computer when he hasn't had time to save his game and made him cry, I've told her off for doing this, but she just says he's been a stupid idiot and faking it, I said this doesn't matter it's his turn and you'll have to wait, and then I just get the your always getting at me and he get's to do what ever he wants :roll:

I have always believed that you respect your children and they'll respect you in turn, it seams to be working with all the others, I never had teenage problems with my oldest, but Amelia has had a tendency to tantrums since birth, I can cope though with a bit of shouting and screaming just not the instantly rude and obnoxious without any provocation.

Have I got it wrong should I have beaten them? no I was always respectful of my parents so were my siblings and my mum has held the same philosophy as I have, one of respect and guidance rather than aggression and dictatorship.

Alison


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:09 am 
retrobike rider
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not being funny, or weird, but has she started mensturating? i'm a bloke, so know nothing of what the lead up to this is like, however, i grew up with 2 sisters so i have some experience of the behavioural patterns, and recently my other half gets crazier than she used to when she starts her 'lady time'....(she's not 13 however - but it seems to have become worse since having our 2nd child!)

teenagers go through some crazy changes add ot that all the crap thats present in the already crap foods they probably consume outside of parental guidance, it probably adds polluted chemicals to an already potent cocktail of hormones etc.....which may explain the seemingly relentless and unprovoked outbursts.

in a nut shell, she sounds like she's growing up, and growing up in a world far more complicated than the previous generation.

the only way to find out how to deal with it, is to try different ways of dealing with it....if it happens everyday, you may find out a way a lot sooner too :) :P


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:09 am 
MacRetro rider
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Teenagers are painful, I was very painful, slamming doors, shouting and aggression. Looking back it looks unreasonable but at the time from my perspective it seemed justifiable. You've just been lucky to avoid it so far !


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:11 am 
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No its not you, my eldest (16) can be rude,obnoxious and generally unlikeable at times. If she continues tell her she has lost the pc for a day or two or dont top up her phone. Hit them where it hurts :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:15 am 
retrobike rider
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my other halfs sister sounded like a right handful, shouting, fighting, running away, climbing on the roof top of the hosue, getting arrested, shoplifting etc etc.
she's now settled down with 2 children and married.
she's still rather dramatic, but waaaaaaaay more mellow since the age of reason has come.
i can't wait fo rmy boys to reach the teens. i'd like to see what im made of as a parent.
testing times indeed :)


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:43 am 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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twain wrote:
not being funny, or weird, but has she started menstruating?


She has yes, poor thing, I was hoping she'd be like me and have to weight till she was 20 but no she was 11. but I know not whether she becomes moody every month it just seams all the time, especially with her dad :( I get a kiss and a cuddle before she goes to school, she randomly tells me she loves me and gives me a hug, but she just has nothing nice to say or do as far as her father is concerned, yet he's the one that has kept everything together. Funny though, I think if it was a case of taking sides my oldest, a boy, would stand by his dad, even though he was a mummy's boy as a kid and my teenage daughter would be on mine, yet I'm the mad bad and dangerous to know of the family. She has also started to be quite horrid to her little brother and has always hated her younger sister

Alison


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:08 am 
retrobike rider
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my daughter is now 16 and can be quite harsh in her treatment of us.
she looks at her brother like dirt sometimes, and always thinks he has more priveleges.
i had to really give her one of those parent lectures the other day.
even though she does have a bad monthly cycle, its still no excuse for treating family like dirt.
oh the joys of parenting.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:53 am 
retrobike rider
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err.... im at a loss here, the day my daughter tells me to shut up is the day she will regret for a long time, I dont buy into this spare the rod bollox, hell we want to give our kids the stuff we never had right, but that stuff gets taken back and back and back until she either learns or she ends up having to stay in with just a bed in the bedroom. my stubbornness will out weigh hers as Im not the one losing stuff.
she wants money, go out with her friends, the latest whatever? then she has to earn it and the way she does that is by not being a brat. you one sounds like she is rebelling at something but she isnt quite sure what it is so while she figures it out any passing traffic will do. im watching exactly this going on with my nieces and their dad, I intervened and told them they need to wind their necks in as he has feelings too. it seems t have worked although for how long I'm not sure.
you need to start restricting her privileges and now or its gonna get worse, start with the things she holds in high value, mobile phone going out etc and keep restricting them until she starts to see reason, but mean it, don't ground her for a week and let her go out 3 days later, a week is a week. she will have time to think. I reckon she is trying to be the alpha here and needs to be brought down to earth.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:07 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Chute55uk wrote:
err.... im at a loss here, the day my daughter tells me to shut up is the day she will regret for a long time, I dont buy into this spare the rod bollox, hell we want to give our kids the stuff we never had right, but that stuff gets taken back and back and back until she either learns or she ends up having to stay in with just a bed in the bedroom. my stubbornness will out weigh hers as Im not the one losing stuff.
she wants money, go out with her friends, the latest whatever? then she has to earn it and the way she does that is by not being a brat. you one sounds like she is rebelling at something but she isnt quite sure what it is so while she figures it out any passing traffic will do. im watching exactly this going on with my nieces and their dad, I intervened and told them they need to wind their necks in as he has feelings too. it seems t have worked although for how long I'm not sure.
you need to start restricting her privileges and now or its gonna get worse, start with the things she holds in high value, mobile phone going out etc and keep restricting them until she starts to see reason, but mean it, don't ground her for a week and let her go out 3 days later, a week is a week. she will have time to think. I reckon she is trying to be the alpha here and needs to be brought down to earth.


I think she does live in a difficult environment, she lives miles from town, miles from her friends and is basically stuck in the house with two younger siblings and her boring parents, so grounding her would never work there is nothing to ground her from. her mobile is something she does not use much, most of the time she forgets it's there :roll: she talks to her friends mainly on Facebook. I think though I'll have to threaten this port if nothing else is working, before she is to old to influence.

Alison


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:11 pm 
retrobike rider
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there in itself lies the problem, she is stuck. how far will you go to make your kids happy? move? I would, in a heartbeat.


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