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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:12 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:02 pm
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Location: North Yorkshire
I have a 13 year old, she is in the top two sets in her year, year 8, she moves to year 9 after the summer. she is just about reaching her targets for the end of year 9 but has lost her enthusiasm, getting her to do homework these days is like, falling off your bike without a helmet, PAINFUL :!: but let's not get into a helmet debate we wouldn't want that :D

What is the best way of encouraging a teen without resulting to saying things like "If you don't work harder you'll just end up at the bottom of the pile and no one will employ you!!!" and other such non helpful outbursts of frustrated a parent might say, haven't used these tactics yet, but used to get very cross with my older son and it just made him cross and resentful.

Alison


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:22 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:46 pm
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Homework and reward scheme.
If she does her homework she gets a reward. No homework no reward. Or as in our house no homework then grounded with no tv/phone.
Amazing how quick they will do it when given a reason.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:31 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Location: North Yorkshire
Kona lover wrote:
Homework and reward scheme.
If she does her homework she gets a reward. No homework no reward. Or as in our house no homework then grounded with no tv/phone.
Amazing how quick they will do it when given a reason.


I was hoping to instil some enthusiasm again so she want's to achieve for herself not because she looses out if she doesn't, although some reword from good work may help.

Alison


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:46 pm
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Our 19 yr old was exactly the same bright lad but lazy. I was always on at the wife about his attitude to work but now I don't bother as it only causes an argument between us.
He was late to school about 20 times in his last year, thing is we live 100 metres from the school but he would always meet his friends at Tesco's which is 300 metre past the school :facepalm:

So he would have detention for said lateness knowing full well I would be back from work and I would then go in his bedroom and remove the tv for the night.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:53 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:02 pm
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Location: North Yorkshire
Kona lover wrote:
Our 19 yr old was exactly the same bright lad but lazy. I was always on at the wife about his attitude to work but now I don't bother as it only causes an argument between us.
He was late to school about 20 times in his last year, thing is we live 100 metres from the school but he would always meet his friends at Tesco's which is 300 metre past the school :facepalm:

So he would have detention for said lateness knowing full well I would be back from work and I would then go in his bedroom and remove the tv for the night.


My son, a year older, did fantastic in his GCSE, I've mentioned before, but when he started A'Levels he got it it into his head he was going to be a Royal Marine, so he did OK in his first year but did noting in his second, nothing would make him work, he did blame his teachers a lot :oops: he also trained at the gym a lot. He is now a Marine recently come back from Jordan and is loving every minute of it.

But I always think they should aim for the best start they can by working towards as many qualifications as possible, but it would be so much better if they did it with passion, like James and his Marine training, rather than under duress.

Alison


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:56 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:50 pm
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Location: Over there -->
Does she have an ambition?

I ask this, because for the first few years at school I worked hard, always wanting to be top of the class, seeking teacher's praise, etc. Then, aged 10, I got a bit bored and started to cruise through the final year of junior school. I thought you went to school until you were 16, then if you were clever, you got an apprenticeship at ICI or British Steel (I grew up in a village near Teeside), if not, you did what you could or signed on.

Then, the moment that changed my life: On last day at junior school, our techer gave each of us one of those Liquorice Allsort "catherine wheel" sweets (the coil of liquorice with the bobbly sweet in the middle). At the end of the day, she asked my best friend and I to stay back. I thought we were in trouble, but couldn't think what we had done to get detention on the last day! Anyway, she said that she had two sweets left over, and Colin could have one so long as he promised to help his parents with their farm 'cos his dad was ill. I could have the other on condition that I went to university.

I had no idea what "university" was, or where I might find one. But I did know that the sweet cost a week's pocket money. And, good Yorkshire lad, I wasn't going to give up that amount of money easily. The next day was shopping day in the local market town. Mum had the habit of leaving my brother and I in the Library for 1/2 an hour or so while she went round the market buying the veg, etc. So, this time, instead of going straight to the childrens' section and reading an Asterix or a Tintin book, I went into the scarey reference room and looked up "University" in the encyclopedia. There was a picture of a Cambridge college (King's, I think). So I decided I was going to go there.

That ambition kept me motivated right through secondary school.

Oh, and yes, I did. I studied Engineering Science then Manufacturing Engineering, based at Corpus Christi College.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 5:00 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:46 pm
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^^ Fair play, our lad has been unemployed for 6 months now. He has applied for 100's of jobs but no luck.

He know understands why I was on at him. I haven't given up hope yet :wink:


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 5:02 pm 
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Alison can you not get your son to have a word? As our 19 yr old always listened to his older brother.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 5:05 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:02 pm
Posts: 6736
Location: North Yorkshire
grahame wrote:
Does she have an ambition?

I ask this, because for the first few years at school I worked hard, always wanting to be top of the class, seeking teacher's praise, etc. Then, aged 10, I got a bit bored and started to cruise through the final year of junior school. I thought you went to school until you were 16, then if you were clever, you got an apprenticeship at ICI or British Steel (I grew up in a village near Teeside), if not, you did what you could or signed on.

Then, the moment that changed my life: On last day at junior school, our techer gave each of us one of those Liquorice Allsort "catherine wheel" sweets (the coil of liquorice with the bobbly sweet in the middle). At the end of the day, she asked my best friend and I to stay back. I thought we were in trouble, but couldn't think what we had done to get detention on the last day! Anyway, she said that she had two sweets left over, and Colin could have one so long as he promised to help his parents with their farm 'cos his dad was ill. I could have the other on condition that I went to university.

I had no idea what "university" was, or where I might find one. But I did know that the sweet cost a week's pocket money. And, good Yorkshire lad, I wasn't going to give up that amount of money easily. The next day was shopping day in the local market town. Mum had the habit of leaving my brother and I in the Library for 1/2 an hour or so while she went round the market buying the veg, etc. So, this time, instead of going straight to the childrens' section and reading an Asterix or a Tintin book, I went into the scarey reference room and looked up "University" in the encyclopedia. There was a picture of a Cambridge college (King's, I think). So I decided I was going to go there.

That ambition kept me motivated right through secondary school.

Oh, and yes, I did. I studied Engineering Science then Manufacturing Engineering, based at Corpus Christi College.


WOW!!! What a story :D

My son at primary wanted to be a doctor and did so all the way till GCSE's, my daughter wants to be an actress, now I now that if Julie Roberts or Emma Thompson didn't want to be one they'd not be so rich, but wat's the chances eh!! not a lot, so she needs something to fall back on if she doesn't make it big.

Alison


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 5:11 pm 
aka Leo Swayer
aka Leo Swayer
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Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:15 pm
Posts: 6365
Location: Wales.UK
Go out to work in a labour intensive job for 10 hours a day. Come home caked in crap and knackered with not a good word to say about said job.
Then inform her she will end up in a job she hates for 50 YEARS :shock: if she doesn't get decent exam results.

Seems to be working with my 13 year old son :wink:


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