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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 1:37 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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I have a ten year old daughter who is a persistent story teller, I don't really want to use the word liar, it may be the simplest thing she is telling you but she has to embellish every story with obvious untruths, e.g Today she has gone for a trip to the hospital to look around the emergency dept. and to have a talk on first aid and safety followed by getting a finger in plaster, my other two older children have both done this. Anyway when she told me about this trip she said they were all going to have blood tests, do operations on dummies and then help out on the wards. But really she cannot tell you anything without these embellishments and she would rather be fed to alligators than ever admit she had done something wrong always blaming her siblings even if you catch her red handed :)

What I want to know is do I allow this and just leave her to it, or do I stop it and catch her out upsetting her in the process, sometimes I just say yes Harriet and sometimes I get fed up with her feeling she needs to do this and tell her I don't believe it and she shouts at me for never believing her and stomps off. The problem is I find it hard to believe anything she says so when she accuses her siblings of doing things or saying things to her and they deny it I tend to believe them as they rarely tell untruths.

Alison


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 1:48 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Set her up..........with something you can prove is a lie.......do it 2/3 times, but don't tell her off, but she might start to doubt her ability to wool pull ......???


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 3:11 pm 
Gold Trader / PoTM Winner
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I would t worry about it...
I used to do this, and now I am a brain surgeon and space pilot


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:10 pm 
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i'd say, unless the stories are causing any real problem then not to worry. a healthy imagination is no bad thing.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:16 pm 
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We had a rule, if anyone in the family uses the word 'honestly' as a question or to back up their story it has to be true. If not they're fair game. It establishes a base line truth.

Worked with me and with my two who s till respect the rule at 18.

Honestly.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:32 pm 
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
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Hi Alison I do not know anything near enough about your situation, and this is only my opinion on the scant information you have given, all children will lie to some degree to cover their own misdeeds and protect themselves, however it would appear that your little one greatly fears your disapproval and so maintains her lie, unwittingly at greater cost to herself and your perception of her .

Children embellish stories often as a result of not feeling very good about themselves, they do not feel special enough and think that by exaggerating and embellishing this makes them bigger and better in the eyes of others, low self esteem if you like.

Children also lie as a form of seeking attention.

As said i dont know enough, but i would consider if she feels lesser for any reason in your eyes than the other two children, or that they get more attention.

Kids often dont really care how they get the attention they crave from parents and will often resort to negative behaviour, to them attention is attention.

i would say ignore it, let her save face where possible, if she is feeling crappy about herself then reinforcing to her that you think she is a liar aint gonna help, unless it become a major problem, while you find out the possible reasons for it.

celebrate her within the family , e.g so and so did this so well today, or i was really proud when so and so did this tolday, kind of thing, and make sure all of the children are recognised equally for their own particular talents and successes. it easy to praise the well behaved maths genius child, sometimes you have to get a bit more creative with the quirky kids.
spend quality time with her on her own when possible too.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 9:04 pm 
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In the classroom if a student goes off on a tall tale it normally means they haven't understood something - and a simple "Right O what don't you understand about the work?" sorts it out a treat.

As above children usually tell tall tales to mask an insecurity or sadness, and as above spend some time with her.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:45 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Charlieboy28 wrote:
Hi Alison I do not know anything near enough about your situation, and this is only my opinion on the scant information you have given, all children will lie to some degree to cover their own misdeeds and protect themselves, however it would appear that your little one greatly fears your disapproval and so maintains her lie, unwittingly at greater cost to herself and your perception of her .

Children embellish stories often as a result of not feeling very good about themselves, they do not feel special enough and think that by exaggerating and embellishing this makes them bigger and better in the eyes of others, low self esteem if you like.

Children also lie as a form of seeking attention.

As said i dont know enough, but i would consider if she feels lesser for any reason in your eyes than the other two children, or that they get more attention.

Kids often dont really care how they get the attention they crave from parents and will often resort to negative behaviour, to them attention is attention.

i would say ignore it, let her save face where possible, if she is feeling crappy about herself then reinforcing to her that you think she is a liar aint gonna help, unless it become a major problem, while you find out the possible reasons for it.

celebrate her within the family , e.g so and so did this so well today, or i was really proud when so and so did this tolday, kind of thing, and make sure all of the children are recognised equally for their own particular talents and successes. it easy to praise the well behaved maths genius child, sometimes you have to get a bit more creative with the quirky kids.
spend quality time with her on her own when possible too.


We do try to be equal in attending to the children as we can but they all accuse me of giving more attention to the others. Hat though has always been a bit of a loaner and somewhat introspective at times, from birth she never liked hugs, she has started kissing me goodnight recently but most of the time you feel it hard to give the affection you feel towards her as she finds it uncomfortable. I will try to find better ways of giving her the attention she feels she lacks, hopefully without repercussions from the other too.

Alison


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:16 pm 
retrobike rider
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sounds to me like she likes to be in charge of herself, if she doesnt like close personal contact thats her space your invading what ever the reason and hugging someone is a form of controlling them like an ownership thing, I get that as I'm the same. thats not a bad thing its an individual thing. if she is adding bits and pieces to events to make them sound better then its probably worth concentrating on what you know is factual and ignoring the extras, this tells her your interested in what actually happened and she wont need to add things on to make it more interesting. kids make stuff up if they are made to seem insignificant then they wont carry on doing it, probably.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:08 pm 
retrobike rider
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Location: He doesn't live in "The You-Kay"; he lives in GREAT BRITAIN!
You could this little phrase every time she tells you something that you doubt a little bit; "Yes dear, no dear, three bags full dear!" She'll probably be purple with fury but might eventually realise that you aren't impressed. You could also read "Matilda who told lies and was burnt to death" by Hilare Belloc but maybe it is missing the point slightly as the issue here is embellishment.
I think it is something that needs to be stamped on though as childhood embelishment could lead to the dangerous adult trait of bullshitting and the only career paths open to such people are The Apprentice, New Labour front bench spokespersons and in my experience S.O's in the Civil Service...


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