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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 9:45 pm 
rBoTM Winner
rBoTM Winner
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Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:28 pm
Posts: 3104
Location: Mansfield Woodhouse, Nott's.
Try not to laugh too much :lol:



Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.




I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.




After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.




Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."




My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.




Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.




I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.




After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.....Nothing.




Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.




Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.




Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.




A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...




Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.




IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!




Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!




In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.




Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth




An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!




Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.




A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!




Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'


A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'




Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!




An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 1:30 pm 
Classified Mod / Lincs, East and South Yorks AEC
Classified Mod / Lincs, East and South Yorks AEC
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Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:45 pm
Posts: 6013
Location: East Yorkshire
:lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 1:47 pm 
Old School Hero
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Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 1:18 pm
Posts: 195
Location: Japan
Ian Raleigh wrote:
Try not to laugh too much :lol:







After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.




My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.


Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!


An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!


Above genuine lol.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 7:49 pm 
rBoTM Winner
rBoTM Winner
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Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:28 pm
Posts: 3104
Location: Mansfield Woodhouse, Nott's.
''Bump''


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:52 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 9:00 pm
Posts: 944
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
...dragons in the kitchen :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Made me laugh out loud.
Thanks for that.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:48 pm 
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
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Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 11:03 am
Posts: 18217
Location: Sunny Glasgow
Excellent :lol: :lol:


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