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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:57 pm 
rBoTM Winner
rBoTM Winner
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Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:28 pm
Posts: 3104
Location: Mansfield Woodhouse, Nott's.

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a
bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne,
my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last ferking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another ferking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the ferkin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arse-hole to confirm that it's
really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic ferkin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!


An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances
over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..


PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 11:24 pm 
Old School Grand Master

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:55 pm
Posts: 8131
Location: New Forest, UK
Translated from an American letter seemingly as (unlike the USA) we have 10 year passport validity and do not have to fill out a customs form every time we enter the UK.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:06 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:06 pm
Posts: 4335
Location: Herts UK
it is fake.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:12 am 
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
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Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 1:03 pm
Posts: 11757
Location: Returning
Tiz funny tho

PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:00 pm 
Devout Dirtbag

Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:03 pm
Posts: 145
...and most apt for the way this country (the UK) is.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:36 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:23 pm
Posts: 938
What starts as vaguely amusing ends with thinly veiled racism :| . Similar to a sign I spotted recently advertising the best ENGLISH hand carwash in Bracknell.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:50 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu May 03, 2012 7:13 pm
Posts: 2574
Location: The Cock Inn, Tillett, Herts
I can't help thinking it might have been easier to simply have written his date of birth.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:48 pm 
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
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Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 11:03 am
Posts: 18118
Location: Sunny Glasgow
02gf74 wrote:
it is fake.
mikee wrote:
Tiz funny tho

+1 :lol:

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