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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 12:04 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:39 pm
Posts: 1455
most of us have been there.....felt like shit....and came out the other side. the kids always love both of you, this is one thing i've found out. with my ex, i thought it was normal to watch her smash the house up. even found myself smashing my own stuff so she couldn't. the sad thing is i thought this was normal as we were both so used to it. one day i went out for 10 mins to cool off (as i did most days) and never went back. i never planned to leave.....just never went back. i havn't had a row with anyone since. i'm so laid back natrually. familiarity breeds contempt. my daughters are adults now and no doubt have rows with thier blokes. life always works out ok in the end, something wisdom teaches you. the journey to happiness is shit at times, even now with my new mrs of 12 yrs, we've split up, re-evaluated, realised we love each other, and sorted our shit out. everyone i know is the same.....that's all i can say really


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 12:46 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2006 12:33 pm
Posts: 11104
Location: The Home Of Mountain Biking, And All Great Things.
lumos2000 wrote:
highlandsflyer wrote:
Just a note.

It is not normal to have feelings of hate towards a partner.

If you have feelings of rage you need to find out why. If the source is the actions of a partner, and you have established your reactions are 'normal' you need to consider moving on. Whether that is in collaboration with the partner to change things, or the other options.


tbh retrobike is probley not the best place to get marriage advice :wink: especially from a bunch of blokes with a string of broken relationships. :lol: hes only vented a bit of anger, dosent mean he hates his wife. probley the added stress of redundancy looming dosent help.
im only guessing but venting your anger towards the internet probley meens you need to take a break from the internet. anyone who walks away from a marrige at the slightest barny dosent deserve to be married. if its ment to be you'll work it out :D


I would always suggest seeing a counsellor, which can be arranged through a number of channels or by direct contact. Try Relate.

The remark about hate is a response to the post immediately before mine.

I agree this is not the ideal place for advice, but there are plenty of us who have had long successful relationships rather than a string of borks.

It is also not the ideal place to come for advice on 90% of the other threads in off topic!

:)


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 9:25 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:08 am
Posts: 847
Location: French Alps/Annecy
Corsarob, this isn't directed at you, it's justa few questions anyone should ask themselves.


If you are unhappy in a marriage/relationship why the f**k stay in it ?

If you don't have any real feelings for your wife/husband why stay with them ? For the kids ? What a stupid mistake that is all you'll do is have unhappy kids, do you wnat your kids to be unhappy ?

Why do you smash things up during rows ? Is it to redirect the violence you feel towards your other half ? or because you are still to immature to be in a relationship with anybody and it's the actions of a spoilt child not getting their own way ?

The whole kids, mortgage, shitty job thing. Why do it if it makes your life a misery ? Because it's what you are meant to do ? Says who ?

Thing with having kids, how many people have kids with someone at a young age, grow up and split up. If I was a benevolent dictator, no kids before the age of 28 and live together for 3 years before getting married and be married for 3 years before having kids.
I don't care what anyone says even at 21 you are still nowhere near mature enough to be responsible to have a child.


Don't think I'm being sanctimonious or holier than thou, I smashed the f**k out of my pride and joy Landcruiser because of an argument with my ex all to stop me beating her to death. You cannot tell me that that is normal. The others, we just wanted different things one wanted a career and to settle down while I wanted to carry on travelling, the other wanted kids, I didn't, yes there were a few arguments but it's better to split up than to get into a situation that you know will make you unhappy just because your partner (hate that word) wants something that you do not I wasted a f**k of a lot of time before I figured that out..
I met my wife (we aren't married but...) totally out of the blue, we have been together for 7 years, have had 1 argument about lino, and are together pretty much 24hrs a day, she is my best freind and it's precisely because of the other relationships that I realise what a amazing person she is and can fully appreciate the position I'm in.

And I still get blow jobs.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:22 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:36 pm
Posts: 4007
Location: uk
Please don't listen to people who say '' its over you should move on''.....so easy to say when your not part of that relationship......far too flippant !

''it feels like i hate her sometimes'' the clue there is ''sometimes'' that's normal ! in a long term relationship with added problems.......

......go to relate or something similar and let them help you untangle real/tempory feelings and then make any decissions afterwards.

Rage is just a tempory reaction when overloaded...........take away some of the pressure and your reactions and life can take a more positive path.

You both may need the weight taken off your shoulders by a 3rd party till you find yourselves again.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 4:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 10:12 pm
Posts: 4432
Location: Barry
B77 wrote:
If you are unhappy in a marriage/relationship why the f**k stay in it ?
The whole kids, mortgage, shitty job thing. Why do it if it makes your life a misery ?


Unless I can take the kids i'm staying -forever.

I am in a happy relationship btw!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 11:51 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:48 am
Posts: 1384
Location: ,hyde
helo again,managed to blag a laptop from work,not to keep,just to borrow at night and some weekends,hooray,
as for my state of mind at the mo,feel much better than i did at weekend,

as for the wife and kids,course i love em,but they do test me sometimes,as i probably do them.

but hay,thats life i guess,and no,i`m not going to throw it all away,well not yet,got an interview with my manager and personnal manager at 9.15 friday morning...yikes.

it could be the end of work,less stress.........er,maybe,no more work,but that may mean no more house either,

will have to start selling all my things to try and keep my family in our home.

do i sound a bit cheeria today???


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:04 am 
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Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 11:31 pm
Posts: 934
Location: Costa Blanca
I should be in tomorrow nite m8 so you can pick it up then if u want? phone or tx u then.
You havent got a split link or a link extractor lying about have you?


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:59 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:39 pm
Posts: 1455
mr rob...you sound fine. we all get pissed off :wink: next time...go for a ride, when the legs start burning half way up the first hill...you would have forgotten about the stress, yeah...bikes are great for that shit!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:15 pm 
Gold Trader
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Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:28 pm
Posts: 3361
Location: The Admiral Benbow
would house insurance cover the laptop? and is firday the best day for an interview with your manager?


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:32 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:48 am
Posts: 1384
Location: ,hyde
lumos2000 wrote:
would house insurance cover the laptop? and is firday the best day for an interview with your manager?

dont know about insurance cover,and i didnt pick the day of interview,she is coming up from head office,she only comes up here to hire and fire,so god only knows what my chances are,the only good bit is i know 3 other guys are havin interviews aswell,so will see what happens,well if i`m fired i wont be on here because i`m using there laptop at the mo.lol.


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