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 Post subject: Merry Christmas?!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 6:50 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:55 am
Posts: 7058
Location: The land of Lea & Perrins
All employees wishing to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning on or required to watch their flocks at night.

Whilst provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation facility, all users of the aforementioned facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

The Angel of The Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from any Reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

Whilst it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, employees are reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines, and all gifts must be registered. This applies to all gifts, regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been informed and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas from the Risk Assessment Team.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 7:08 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 4:51 pm
Posts: 2277
Location: Llantwit Major
I like that one.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:13 pm 
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
Karma Queen / Cake Meisterin
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Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:02 pm
Posts: 6736
Location: North Yorkshire
Agreed, I enjoyed that, thanks for sharing :D

Alison


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:55 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:50 pm
Posts: 946
Location: Over there -->
Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol


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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas?!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:35 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3364
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
Barneyballbags wrote:
All employees wishing to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning on or required to watch their flocks at night.

Whilst provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation facility, all users of the aforementioned facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

The Angel of The Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from any Reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

Whilst it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, employees are reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines, and all gifts must be registered. This applies to all gifts, regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been informed and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas from the Risk Assessment Team.


I think it would have been better if the above had been put in a more concise and carefully proof-read summary, i.e. by means of "making a list and checking it twice". Probably best to adopt full CRB screening too, in order to find out who's been naughty* and nice. ;)

David

*Insert names of 1970s TOTP presenters here.


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