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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:28 pm 
Gold Trader
Gold Trader
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Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 981
Location: Worcestershire
It is the winter months.....SAVE MONEY on milk by not reporting your neighbour's death. You can even leave a note for their milkman to bring more expensive items like chicken or spuds.

Or.....FELLAS. Stand outside an Ann Summers shop dressed in a security guard's uniform with a smoke detector in your pocket. When a fit bird walks out, simply press the smoke alarm test button and voila! A free grope!

or maybe you like.....ESTATE AGENTS. Please look up the words luxurious, stunning and spacious in a dictionary so as I don't have to spend my weekends being shown around badly-built shoeboxes.

or even.....CAN'T REMEMBER the artist or title of a song stuck in your head? Simply record and release the song and wait to be sued for breach of copyright. The information you need will be on the writ.

Too funny. :xmas-big-grin:


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 10:57 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3363
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
Having a dinner party and thinking of serving some sort of seafood cocktail to your guests? Rubber bands make an ideal cost-conscious substitute for squid rings, with the added advantages of superior taste and texture.

David


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:23 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:20 am
Posts: 823
Location: On my sofa
Recreational nose pickers - Tired of incessant nose-bleeds? Buy a bottle of Crayola craft glue and leave it open for a couple of hours. Then stick your finger in for pick it, lick it, roll it and flick it satisfaction...


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:59 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:08 am
Posts: 847
Location: French Alps/Annecy
Councils: solve you litter problems by issuing the blind with pointy sticks.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:13 am 
Gold Trader
Gold Trader
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Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 9:04 pm
Posts: 3198
Location: Chorley, Lancs
Save money on expensive brillo pads by filling those unused shredded wheat with liquid soap


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:32 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3363
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
Parents: are your kids big fans of Lego? Do they keep losing the yellow plastic heads off their Lego people? Frozen sweetcorn makes an ideal substitute. Until it defrosts, anyway.

David


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:39 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3363
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
British Rail bosses: avoid any possibility of your new 125mph diesel supertrain's public image being tarnished by association with dubious media figures by NOT getting a Top of the Pops presenter with a dodgy reputation to do the TV adverts for it.

Oh, hang on.... :oops:

David


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 11:57 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:08 am
Posts: 847
Location: French Alps/Annecy
MOUNTAIN bikers. Stop that irritating squeal from your brakes and reduce wear on them by oiling the rims of your wheels before taking on that tricky descent.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:25 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3363
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
Salad lovers: low on slices of cucumber? Simply soak a carrot in green food dye overnight and then chop it up in the usual way.

David


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:30 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3363
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
West Bromwich Albion supporters: save money on expensive replica footie shirts by snipping the bottom out of an old Tesco bag then slipping it on over the top of a white T-shirt.

David


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