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 Post subject: Viz-style Top Tips
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:59 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3364
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
As we already have a Rubbish Joke thread, to plumb equally spectacular depths of corniness, would there be many RB takers for a Top Tips thread?

To start the ball rolling....

Sweet fans: have your local shops run out of Polos? Simply make your own by boring through a packet of Trebor Extra Strong Mints using a pillar drill.

David


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:49 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2008 12:12 am
Posts: 680
Location: Anglesey
Always keep a supply of Battenburg cake in your cupboards. That way, if you become trapped in your kitchen or pantry, you can pass the time by playing chess or draughts with yourself, while awaiting rescue.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:53 pm 
eBay Outing Master
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Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:53 pm
Posts: 8000
Take a holiday in fukishima, then when you come home and ride at night, you will never have to spend money on batteries again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:10 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:55 am
Posts: 946
Location: Swansea/Birmingham
Always go first to the last place you look when trying to find something that is lost....... :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:27 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3364
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
In the best tradition of Viz offering pairs of tips that sort of cancel each other out....

Sweet fans: have your local shops run out of Trebor Extra Strong Mints? Simply make your own by filling up the holes in Polos with freshmint toothpaste.

David


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:33 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:50 pm
Posts: 946
Location: Over there -->
Cyclists, enjoy the feeling of a new bike fresh from Halfrauds by loosening all the cables so the gears and brakes don't work.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:43 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:08 am
Posts: 847
Location: French Alps/Annecy
HUSBANDS. Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You'll love the bit where you give her back the ring, walk back up the aisle, get into a car and f**k off.

AMERICANS. Build your houses out of bricks and mortar instead of cheap wood to avoid having them destroyed by hurricanes every few weeks.



Shamelessly lifted from Viz


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:59 pm 
Anglian Deputy AEC
Anglian Deputy AEC
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Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:13 pm
Posts: 6928
Location: Livin' in a dust bowl
Next time you get a nusance phone call asking if you have ever had an accident and thought of claiming compensation. Say yes, you pooed yourself in Tescos last week.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 7:31 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:29 pm
Posts: 1877
Location: Somerset
put the right ock on first


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 8:11 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:25 pm
Posts: 1785
Location: It's not easy being a dolphin.
Place a chocolate button between your wife/girlfriends bum cheeks while she is asleep. When she wakes up she'll think that she has 'followed through'.


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