I've got this recurring image of the Sky teamtalk:
<Michael Caine voice>
Gentlemen, gentlemen. We are about to do a job in France. Now, it's a very difficult job and the only way to get through it is if we all work together as a team. OK so here is the job, we are going to the Alps to take the Maillot Jeune from right under their noses, and they won't like that.
These chinless wonders are our domestiques. They can ride rings round anybody else we'll meet on the way.
This is the plan; keep it tight, don't get distracted by the scenery or unnecessary stage wins, and try not to hurt anybody.
So that is the plan and this is the venue. France. And Belgium. Oh, and a little bit of Switzerland.
What it lacks in brown beer and sideburns it more than makes up for in beauty, trees, smooth roads and mountains.
They have a fit population, but they are full of du pain, du vin and du bourcin at the moment and we have toured bigger and better before and come out suntanned.
This is a good time for the raid as they are missing several key people who have been caught taking the wrong medicines or eating dodgy steaks.
France is a beautiful country, and there are plenty of dusky maidens to see and do, but this ain't no holiday trip. This is purely business. We go, we see and then we conquer.
Good luck gentlemen and remember Yes, it's a question of prestige.
If you go through with this, you've got to win.
Now where did I park that mini?
</Michael Caine voice>
"Oh! One more thing. Just remember, in this country they drive on the wrong side of the road."
"Not so much a religion as a savings club for people who think Star Trek's a documentary"
- Marcus Brigstocke on Scientology