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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 5:47 pm 
South East AEC
South East AEC
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 3882
HE PROMISED TO OIL MY CHAIN, CLAIMS ABUSED BIKE
THE bicycle at the centre of Britain's worst case of inanimate object abuse has told how she was offered treats including expensive chain-oil, a new bell and a dynamo.

Bike 'X'Bike 'X' said she trusted her owner and was happy for him to sit on her up to three times a day.

She told the Daily Mash: "There were times when I thought he was rubbing his bottom into me a bit hard, but I didn't say anything.

"Then, after a couple of months, he said he wanted to do more than just pedal to the video shop.

"At first I said no, but he was really sweet and would give me presents, rub lavender oil into my saddle and pump me every morning.

"Then one afternoon he came home drunk, removed my handlebars and stuck his whatnot into the metal tube.

"If the cleaners hadn't come in he'd have been fingering my mudflaps."

Police say the case is even more horrific than the infamous Angle-Poise Lamp Abuser who stalked the reading-nooks of Swindon in the mid-1990s.

Superintendent Bill McKay said: "The angle-poise lamp is the inanimate equivalent of a dirty gymnast.

"But it's quite another thing to force yourself on a defenceless bike that just wants to be ridden for pleasure."


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 8:27 pm 
King of the DuckBoard
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Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:30 pm
Posts: 21466
:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
May be he was using the seat tube :shock: or the bottom bracket :wink: :lol:
Would any body buy the bike from him :? With that history :shock:


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:44 pm 
Retrobike's #1 Comedy Genius
Retrobike's #1 Comedy Genius
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Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:07 pm
Posts: 4104
Location: Wolkenkuckucksheim
Feeh! They're all the same, them two wheeled hussies............a good dose of the old Nipple Wrench puts them in their place.....................

*Don't actually try this- not on a real Lady type woman...........they won't like it..........it makes them think about Bread Knives and newly laid Patios...........


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:09 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2007 6:17 pm
Posts: 409
Location: Lost
Reminds me of Fru. T Bunn, the master baker and his gingerberad sex dolls (sorry non Viz readers probably means owt to yez!)

viz.co.uk - check it out!

and they put grannies in jail who refuse to pay extortionate council tax?! bonkers.. :shock:


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