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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:22 pm 
King of the DuckBoard
King of the DuckBoard

Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:30 pm
Posts: 21466
What's Margaret Thatcher & jimmy saville got in common?

Both **** minors in the 80s


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:00 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3364
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
I bought a really novel high-tech toaster the other week - you can even get the internet on it!

Had to take it back to the shop after a day or two as it seemed to be broken and the bread was getting stuck inside, but it turns out I'd just accidentally set it to disable pop-ups.

:oops:

David


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:38 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 5:13 pm
Posts: 8181
Location: Tredavoe, Cornwall
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me...

"How many potatoes would you like al?" I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite" "Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you fat cow''




al.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:17 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:33 am
Posts: 2920
Location: daaan saaaf
A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and orders a drink. He then procedes to bost to the others in the bar about how hard he is. Some time later a piece of red tarmac walks into the bar and orders a drink; the piece of black tarmac ducks out the back and hides around the corner.

Later the piece of black tarmac returns and one of the people in the bar asks "why did you leave when the red tarmac walked in, I thought you were hard?", to which the black tarmac replies "I'm hard, but hes a cyclepath!"


I thangyou.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:24 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:04 pm
Posts: 3364
Location: Completely in the dark, thanks to me good mate Terry....
al wrote:
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me...

"How many potatoes would you like al?" I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite" "Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you fat cow''


Is that a Tim Vine gag?

David


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:04 am 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 5:13 pm
Posts: 8181
Location: Tredavoe, Cornwall
David B wrote:
al wrote:
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me...

"How many potatoes would you like al?" I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite" "Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you fat cow''


Is that a Tim Vine gag?

David


Are you trying to suggest I use other peoples material?

Unbelievable!!

al. :roll:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:04 pm 
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
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Joined: Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:15 am
Posts: 1887
Location: Getting fitter, I will beat the Surrey Hills....
Why couldn't the bicycle get up?

Because he was two tyred.

I thank you. :roll:


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:07 pm 
BANNED USER
BANNED USER

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2012 5:15 pm
Posts: 1075
What do you call a door that doesn't open?


A wall.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:21 pm 
retrobike rider
retrobike rider
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:04 pm
Posts: 1800
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy...
-What's the best cheese for hiding your horse?
-Mascapone

Boom Boom

-Excuse me...how much do those dead batteries cost?
-Nothing...they're free of charge !

Sleep well,


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:15 am 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 9:00 pm
Posts: 944
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
A man gets home really late and very drunk one evening. He walks into his bedroom, arm-in-arm with a sheep.

His wife, who is already in bed, is clearly not happy.

The man declares loudly, "I just wanted you to see the pig I've been sleeping with."

His wife says "You drunken idiot! That's not a pig, it's a sheep!"

To which the man replies, "I was talking to the sheep."


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