Retrobike Forum Index

It is currently Thu Dec 08, 2016 3:23 am

* Login   * Register * Search  * FAQ



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: A scream in the night...
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:23 pm 
King of the Skip Monkeys
King of the Skip Monkeys
User avatar

Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:34 pm
Posts: 26174
Location: Moomin Valley
One of those farts thats so loud, you're woken up at 4.04am.

You feel it drift out even in your sleep with missus swearing at you because the smell is something akin to long decayed roadkill in a microwave.

You're awake now and thinking 'what the hell did I eat to do that?' as the wall paper peels.

Just as the effects of the first are wearing off, you realize that the first was only a warning and is about to be replaced by a belter. The legendary duvet lifter, now you're awake you may as well give it some effort and push (but not too hard) and to your great satisfaction, the kraken awakes!

Walls vibrate, dogs bark and the GF swears even louder...

You round off with just a peep, the sound of a small novelty trumpet, or a tiny creaky door hinge and go back to sleep with a smile on your face, ignorant to the curses of your bedfellow.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:41 pm 
South East AEC
South East AEC
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 3882
:lol:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:44 pm 
Retro Guru
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:51 am
Posts: 419
Location: Oslo, Norway
You just made my day :D


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:50 pm 
Gold Trader / rb Rider / Special
Gold Trader / rb Rider / Special
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:26 am
Posts: 16165
Location: Rurally close.
mines normally in the morning, just before i get out of bed :D


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:15 pm 
retrobike rider / Gold Trader
retrobike rider / Gold Trader

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 9:05 pm
Posts: 9245
I find early hours of Monday morning to be the worst. Saturday night curry and beer, mixed up the next morning with a hearty full English (double egg job) topped off with a big roast Sunday lunch. By midnight it's almost unbearable.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:18 pm 
Gold Trader
Gold Trader
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 10:17 am
Posts: 7889
Location: Mid Suffolk
Sleep farts are not something I'm familiar with. . . .


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:24 pm 
Classified Mod
Classified Mod

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:34 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: Fife in Scotland
:lol: FAF


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:31 pm 
MacRetro rider
MacRetro rider
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 22, 2010 7:25 pm
Posts: 4977
Location: Edinburgh
Almost as bad is the first time you sleep with a new partner, you wake up in the middle of the night, go to fart and think better of it. Then you don't have your usual morning trump as she's awake by then.

By now it's getting a bit painful and you're wondering how good the soundproofing between rooms is and whether you can do your best full volume trumpet fanfare when you go for a pee. But you think better of it.

Then if you're lucky/unlucky a morning, ahem, encore of the previous evenings activities will start. And you spend the whole thing with sore guts and in terror of an accidental parp.

But at least you have a hugely satisfying massively loud trump as soon as you're out the door headed for home, or even better after she leaves and you can get rid of several hours worth of wind in the comfort of your own home.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:41 pm 
Classified Mod
Classified Mod

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:34 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: Fife in Scotland
Tazio I could have written that my self, ditto mate :wink:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:48 pm 
Anglian Deputy AEC
Anglian Deputy AEC
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:13 pm
Posts: 6928
Location: Livin' in a dust bowl
After dropping a fruity one in bed shout burglars then cover her head with the duvet. I find this goes down very well.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: xerxes and 37 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

About Us

Follow Retrobike

Other cool stuff

All content © 2005-2015 Retrobike unless otherwise stated.
Cookies Policy.
bikedeals - the best bike deals in one place
FatCOGS - Fat Chance Owner's Group

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group