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 Post subject: Re: Carlos Santana
PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2020 10:45 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
A guy walks into the Doctors Surgery with a scone wedged up his bum

The doc examines him and then sits down. He turns to the patient and says
"Don't worry, I've got some cream for that "


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 Post subject: Re: Carlos Santana
PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2020 10:52 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
A bloke walks into a bar with his terrier dog. He buys a pint of ale and a whisky for the hound.
Barman asks " Why the whisky for the dog " ?
Guy replies " That dog is the best blacksmith you'll ever meet "
They go and sit by the fire.
After a while the barman brings them fresh drinks. He asks the guy for proof for what he claims about the dog, in case he's ridiculed for spreading lies.
"Watch this" He says.
He puts the end of the poker into the fire until it's red-hot, then sticks it up the bum of the dog.
The dog yelped and made a bolt for the door....


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2020 3:43 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
Woman walks into a shop and buys:

3 meals for one
A small loaf of bread
2 apples
2 bananas
2 tins of beans

As she places them on the til belt the cashier remarks :
"you live on your own, don't you"?
"Yes" she repied.
"Can you tell that by what i've bought" ?
"No" he says.
"It's cos you're bloody ugly" !


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2020 10:38 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
Just got back from doing a house-call to view some clockwork toys and trains but returned empty handed, total waste of time.

They were wind-up merchants.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:43 pm 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:05 pm
Posts: 636
Location: Blue shadows on the trail
For the Peter Kay fans.

A naked man is running down the road with a woman on his back.
'Hey mate, where ya goin?'
'Fancy dress party'
'What ya goin as?'
'Tortoise
'Who's she?'
'That's Michelle.'


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 7:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
Paddy walks into a shoe shop and asks for a pair of daps in size 9.
"No problem" says the shop assistant.
Paddy tries them on, looks at the young lady and comments "They're a bit tight".
Being helpful she suggests "Try them with the tongue out"
Paddy replies "Theyrth a bith tighth".


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:37 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:03 pm
Posts: 660
Location: Sunny Wales
I unwittingly put my jumper on back-to-front this morning.
I didn't know whether I was coming or going..


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2020 6:33 pm 
Old School Hero
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Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2015 9:18 am
Posts: 174
Location: Sheffield
I've just got myself a gig playing in a reggae band. They want me to play the triangle. It's no big deal really, I just have to stand at the back and ting.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:09 am 
Retro Guru

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:05 pm
Posts: 636
Location: Blue shadows on the trail
What did 50 cent do when he got hungry?


58


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