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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:24 pm 
Old School Grand Master
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Joined: Sat May 20, 2006 2:56 pm
Posts: 4776
Location: No brakes? Way to commit soldier.
Tallpaul wrote:
These infrequent postings of inane rubbish are easily my current favourite thing about Retrobike.


^^^^^^^^

What he said.

I'm genuinely thinking about printing these threads out and making them into a book.

:D

Whats next?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:27 pm 
Old School Grand Master

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:55 pm
Posts: 8212
Location: New Forest, UK
Isn't insanity brilliant?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 11:14 pm 
Retro Guru
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Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 2:37 pm
Posts: 1728
Location: UK Southwest
Russell wrote:
Tallpaul wrote:
These infrequent postings of inane rubbish are easily my current favourite thing about Retrobike.


^^^^^^^^

What he said.

I'm genuinely thinking about printing these threads out and making them into a book.

:D

Whats next?


Frame materials? Steel is old and rubbish and only used on bikes before 2001. Aluminium is brilliant. Titanium is more expensive than Aluminium but not as good and Carbon fibre is for keen mtb'ers. I'm on a horse!!!


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 Post subject: Allen Keys
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:32 am 
Old School Hero
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Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:09 am
Posts: 235
Location: Hull, Humberside
Allen Keys..... They're not the only tools in the world......
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What interesting personnel knowledge, I see were you are coming from, to tighten/slacken pedals, this can also be done from the REVERSE.
What do I mean? Oh look REVERSE of the crank there is a hole in the pedal.
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And that hole is ....... an allen key, hence opposite.
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But the BB so where are you going to work from the centre of the BB, don't be daft, like you'd do that
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Not even Neo or Trinity could cram in there.
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And besides what is the obsession just to use allen keys for everything on your bike, there are other tools (Not just as pictured, such tools such as sockets, spanners and wrenches you know).
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So stop bungling about with just allen keys to adjust stuff, and
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Please use less zippies everywhere on your bikes for routing and end stop housing bungalows,
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It looks Flipping awful....
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:27 pm 
Old School Hero
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Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:09 am
Posts: 235
Location: Hull, Humberside
Anyway I must be off, I have some more important matters to tend too (Since conventional cartridge BB's work faultlessly smooth running for years), like what hydraulic brakes performed well in that BRAKE TEST from MBUK (SEE THE VIDEO), YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF WHAT DO ALL THE FIGURES MEAN?
~ The HIGHER the FIGURE the MORE EFFECTIVE that BRAKE is.
~ The LOWER the FIGURE the LESS EFFECTIVE that BRAKE is.
The figures represent deceleration in metres per second 2.
Well well well in the tests the Avid Elixir 3's (Hint, hint, hint, by the way) performed well. But like nearly all brakes, they're not sold in PAIRS!
I wonder what most hydraulic brakes are actually like for normal use, yes I'm sure critics will moan about them, I wonder if most of us would be very happy with firm and powerful brakes, since the pads are closer to their braking surface.
I wonder what most hydraulic brakes are like to bleed or to cut hoses?
I wonder how many models you'd have to throw and buy another pair? Still I ain't buying them all just the see (To find out).

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Last edited by srands on Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:51 am, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 3:12 pm 
Gold Trader
Gold Trader
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Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:19 pm
Posts: 1857
Location: Gwlad Gwlad to be here
Some of this is making me feel quite tense.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:06 pm 
Old School Hero
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Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:09 am
Posts: 235
Location: Hull, Humberside
OK cartridge BB's won't last forever, but many persons are still smooth running after 10 years. (Remember previous non-cartridge models were junk in less then a year for me and my peers.)

Of course when your cartridge BB does finally break (Put in the bin, give up the Ghost, or get rid, etc.)

You will winge at replacing your old BB. But you might winge alot more if whether you need a crank (No double entendre intended!) as well!
But how much is a crank? You may ask, those you like, well there are a lot of cash! SLX (£100+), XT (£150+), XTR (£300+).
But many bikes aren’t specced with these, instead we see a lot of TRUVATIV? Bargain prices too £25+!
My TRUVATIV FIVE-D, shifts with ease and has been smooth running for something like 8 years now.

Cycling, recycling, parts, to be thrown, to be reused, but life can't after death, etc.

Cycling and health? A comparison, what about an equivalent, some confusion? A surreal A-Z (Aka completely made up)?

Sarcasm, it starts, an alternative world? The real meaning?

Well full sus mtb's aren't cheap, in fact they're a bit steep, steep?, hill? descent ill? death?

If you're easily offended, or have lost a loved one, or never had one, etc. Don't read, especially, as it pokes fun at nothing lasts forever and how other people mock other persons misfortunes:
If you readily admit to having diseases/conditions, imposed on you.
Or if you readily admit to knowing people who have diseases/conditions, imposed on them.
(I know it's sounds a bit Apocalypse Now, a film I haven't even seen before, It's like a quote from Blade1, or Good Morning Vietnam, or Platoon, isn't it).

If you're frighten, Scared of the nocturnal (Turn this way or that way), don't read anymore.
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Don't read below, heed what I said.
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Don't look down any further........
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REAL WORD/ACROYMN and DOUBLE ENTENDRE/SARCASM (Perhaps, maybe the real indeniable truth. Oh look there's Data from Star Trek)

Deep vein thrombosis (Cable pull Gear & brake adjusting)
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A IDs (Tools, Professionals, peers. Let me be more specific, when buying a 2nd hand bike you'll want proof the person lives at the address they are selling the bike so A letter from utilities such as ELEC and ID proving the person is who they say they are. Why the s? Well this is plural, i.e. More then one you may want to see more then "A" letter and/or 1 ID, etc.)
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Full blown aids ~ Hydraulic brakes bought over the internet mail order, that are all ready fully bled up! (Or malignant tumors ~ Just to annoy you over bleeding your 2 MTB hydraulic brakes in a confined space, like your dining room, you get annoyed because the hose olives/unions aren't reuseable or the outer hoses are too short or the olives/unions you bought are rubbish and leek, in anger you jump on your wheels etc, OK bleeding your MTB hydraulic brakes should be simple with the right tools such as Avid's Bleeding Kit syringes, since some Avid brakes don't have external bleed valves they have allen key grub screws one at the caliper and one at the brake lever, like car brakes bleeding is simple, but it won't be straight forward at all for your MTB hydraulic brakes, both of them) & full sus MTB with AIR suspension that can be pumped/blown up via schrader valve (Or let down by your finger nail.......)
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HIV (Dictionary of acronyms, What does that stand for? Bike stand. HIV~ Slang: I (Silent H, then apparent, then backwards) don't want to chIp (Well there is the BOTTOM and TOP headset cups) my headtubE (No v, well E is also a vowel), when my knock out my old headset cups with a long flat blade screw driver & hammer, then either bodge or elegantly put on new race and headset cups!)
H often symbolises a structure, in roman numerals IV=4, i.e. that what is that structure for, what is that building for, you may remember somebody something very similar in the little known film "BLADE2", a French epic classis, of course... Also in the English language the letter "H", normally stands for Hospital (No a Helipad you twats), imagine your demise, what is this "For" aka IV, it is for purpose of test, it is to keep you free of possible infections, etc, no it's to kill you off, diminished responsibility, etc. But personnelly I would shoot you in the head now if I had a gun, just for the hell of it, etc)
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Diabetes (She got Big breasts)
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Cerebral Palsy ~ Replaceable Derailleur Hanger (Rear Mech)
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Dyslexia ~ Less then SLX
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Alzheimer ~ Zimmer for those with not straight bones (A back that curve ~ A car boot that opens to put your bike in, or put your bike on a cycle carrier on your car boot, funny shoulders (A ruck sack), or decent joint cartilage (A full sus with clipless pedals), etc: The extremes of both frame designs: Full suspension (Scissor action style frame for those with dementia, INSTEAD of rigid. Not a tough choice is it, it's obvious what you would go for, the full suspension! Obviously........ If price wasn't an object, well anyway, nice groupsets on both of these though.
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Burns victim/skin graft ~ What do I need those for? Raiser bars, long travel forks. Great for BIG DROP OFF, also you ride higher up at the front end, less barbaric riding position on steep descents.
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Cancer (Car sir: Aka car dealer/sales man, Food tins) or Keymo (Keys Motor, slang Car Keys, IKEA)
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Arthritis (Which way is it, Left or right thread) or Diarrhoea (Which direction, which way)
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Acne (Screws, wall plugs, filler. its ok I fill the acne holes and pits in my face later, it wouldn't be like this naturally, seen any good Star Trek episodes? Good lord, etc.)
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Acute illness (A cute Pretty girl)
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Attention disorder (Wow look at those, Massive breasts)
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Alcoholism (killing people, slang, break it down into word morpheme al co hol I'll kill u all, not me personnely it's just a morpheme, no nothing to do morphing terminators, or pharma drugs.)
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Multiple Sclerosis Variant 1~ Choices, choices, choices: Really expensive Full Suspension or really cac full sus mtb with sis (No your sister) or (Mutli scare low sis: Acrobats, Horror films, Gothic, well she's not my sister, but she does look scared/scarred)
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Geriatrics (Nightclub dancing)
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Fat (Vat ni tax, is that who I think it is? Is he imagining feeling up some pretty woman politian? But who, some pretty woman politian?)
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Asthma (Women Farting, AS DA: Here goes... An analogy of air being emitted from a lady's behind, or something far more salubrious...)
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Autism (Hit with hand with a hammer, then Pull funny face, aka gurning)
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Depression (Press button)
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Dry skin (towel)
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Deafness (You said what? [You are dead], You're fine, you walk off to the shared showers, grimace and attempt to flex your muscles to show you're still fit & human. Brail for blind people, b rail, bar?, raiser bars?, DH track for blind people!)
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Imminent death (Evanessence, etc) Dynamo aka BIKE LIGHT (Yer I've got them Dynamo's on my roller blades, powering my headset lights, like the DJ in the Blade film, but I tell yer it's not smooth running as Golden Balls in Austin Powers, because of all the friction from the Dynamo's, perhaps I could do with some kinetic energy lights, perhaps just shake my head alot, like Noddy. Well anyway, how do they work? Dynamo's that is: Using OUTPUT as INPUT, tyre/wheel going round, I know using output as input sounds like the opposite or something, or something daft like reverse ~ Rollback!. Somebody (Morpheus) said something similar in the film, The Matrix. Well the car equivalent of this is a turbo charger, a turbo uses an output that is, exhaust emissions to turn a wheel round, then via a rod another wheel turns and propels more air (Oxygen) into the engine (Which increases power), hence using/turning an OUTPUT into an INPUT.
Lets hope nobody thinks of doing this with the human digestive system (Semi qoute ~ Fast&Furious1, BBQ, etc) , that wouldn't be a good idea. I wouldn’t want anybody to find another use for their OUTPUT (ie: Urine & excrement, perhaps a serving suggestion, Eat your own..... I'm sure Jamie Oliver etc will have their own version of Marmite etc that many people will comment has an "odd aroma" and "aftertaste", but is low in fat, even calories, especially in a meal, many times). The Matrix: Smith & Cypher dinner conversation.
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Mental (Cycling is a waste of time?) What is productive, etc. Well it’s exercise, it's fun, a luagh with friends, improve your skill and stamina, it's even a sport if you ride competitively, but you won’t see much of it on TV though, ANYWHERE.
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Pharmaceutical (Full body armour ~ You're own diminished responsibility thinking your invincible, or lured into untimely demise by false pretence)
Aspirin (Small seat, open to interpretation what is comfortable) Hence any pharmacy drugs are time wasting nonsense, with daft names,
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Miscarriage (Pink car, you don't want 1)
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Smoking (Show car)
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Last edited by srands on Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:25 pm, edited 13 times in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:22 pm 
Retrobike's #1 Comedy Genius
Retrobike's #1 Comedy Genius
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Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:07 pm
Posts: 4104
Location: Wolkenkuckucksheim
Can someone bring the secure padded van round to the service door?........I'll get the dart gun a big fecking net......... :P


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:45 pm 
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
Gold Trader / MacRetro rider
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Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 4950
Location: Edinburgh
I like pictures of tit's

but you sir, are mental :lol:

G


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:49 pm 
Gold Trader / rb Rider / Special
Gold Trader / rb Rider / Special
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Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:26 am
Posts: 16165
Location: Rurally close.
Lysander wrote:
Can someone bring the secure padded van round to the service door?........I'll get the dart gun a big fecking net......... :P


:lol:
wasnt just me then!


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