Funny or strange bike shop stories.....staff or customers !

I have many.......but here is one...................had 2 guys come in once and asked sheepishly for me to bleed their brakes (hope) ............they quietly told me that they got drunk the night before and filled the brakes with Stella !.............I can confirm after bleeding the brakes that this was indeed the case............

there was the 20+ stone lady who couldnt understand why she was snapping crank arms

i was smoking in the back of the shop when the council lady popped in to see why i didnt have one of those no smoking signs in the window . she gave me one . i put it up and went back to the cig

had a really good saturday sold quite a bit last august time, when a customer came in and asked if we could order a trek fuel ex 8 in for him. I sized him up to a 17.5" size then my boss comes over and cant get it into his head that the guy is about to pay up front casssshh for a full susser and trys talking him into a cheap hardtail that was on display, the guy turns round to me (im in a well press shimano service center shirt thats oil stained from use) did you get this guy from the job centre work placment scheme if so send him back and il deal with you classic the guy brought the bike and always bee lines to me and as the guy puts it "you dont talk blar blar crap bull just facts and figures no crap" it was funny

was talking to the shop mechanic one day and a lady customer overheard me saying "that headset is shagged"

she turns to me from the otherside of the shop counter and says "what does shagged mean?"

i thought she was joking

she was american and dressed like a glamrock punk klingon (including pink wig) so in that way i quickly sum someone up i said like i do when quoting for repairs "well . . . frankly it means knakered, fcuked."

she went mental!!! :shock: "how dare you swear in front of me! do you think i'm a whore?!! DO YOU THINK I'M A WHORE?!!"

i then, surprized at her extreme reaction to what i thought was a dumb question and being dressed like above description i said "i don't know what you do for a living"

matt in the workshop damn near pissed himself and she left.


but she did return and apologized cos she realised it was a dumb question and realised i wasn't swearing at her but in the conversation.

jonnyboy666":ozez9au7 said:

"i don't know what you do for a living"

Click to expand...

Had a phone call one day.................the voice was so posh i thought it was the queen...........................' hello i need a stork !.......do you sell storks.....mine is not quite right and makes me awfully uncomfortable'........................now i used to phone our shop and pretend to be 'other people' all the time as a joke, so i thought it was a fellow worker getting their own back......................i was just about to say 'you funking peas taker' when it dawned on me that a posh twit might think that 'stork ' was the correct term for 'bicycle stem' !!!

I went along with it.................and low and behold later that day a mum , dad, and daughter came in for their 'stork' in full shooting gear hats with flaps and everything.............they were very nice but oh so posh !

Remember a mechanic in a well known chain I used to frequent getting caught sniffing the saddle on a bike that an attractive young lady had just dropped in for a service.

What made it funnier was he then had to explain to the customer why he was siffing it and what exactly the "Flange Retention System" (saddle) was that he had been laughing with the other guys in the workshop about.....

brilliant

Me: 'hello, my chainring bolts have come loose, could I possibly borrow an allen key?

Richardson's, St. Ives: 'no, I can sell you one'

I still have that allen key

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Me: 'My mech hanger's bent, it wont change gear properly'

Young angry chap in Huntingdon shop: 'you can **** off or I'll put you through a window!'

Same chap went on to ride for a famous brand and used to be written up in MBUK for a while...

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Me: 'Hi Mr. Cannondale rep, have you seen how shite these coda brakes are?' as I ride into Mike's Bikes in Cambridge on a crap Cannondale.

Mr. Cannondale rep: 'ouch, my ******* foot, you ******* twat!'

New brakes, callipers later, bikes still shite...

Was working in a low-end store in Manchester and turned up at work after my day off.

"You have to call this customer up - he's not happy about something. He's called Mr Lyon."

Don't understand what all the smirking was about.... And I certainly didn't remember any Mr Lyon. But anyway, I ring the number

Switchboard "Chester Zoo. Which department?"

Me (still not quite awake) "Don't know. I have to speak to Mr Lyon".

Goes and gets a sweeping brush to sweep the 5 colleagues who were rolling on the floor with laughter up.